The Luckiest Girl: Chapter Two, Part One

That Friday, I sauntered into my science class, a sideways smile on my face. God, did I feel awesome! I dared to break out one of my I'm-so-confident-and-sexy smiles at Justin, who just smiled back a little, a sad look in his deep brown eyes. I just looked over it and got out my homework.

I couldn't avoid it for long.

"Hey," Justin said, turning to look at me. I lifted my head and met his gaze. He hesitated.

"So there's this girl," He said. "And I really like her. But I don't know what to do about it. She doesn't seem to like me back. I've tried flirting, but it won't work." His eyebrows pulled together in frustration, chewing on his pencil. "And you're a girl. you know about this stuff..." He trailed off.
"Well, first, you should make sure you've talked to her at least once." He nodded, saying he had. "Well, why don't you ask her to a movie on Saturday? Girls like movies." He nodded, a slight smile on his face. I smiled back and worked on our classwork.
A moment later, I saw him slip a piece of folded paper into my lap. I picked it up, slowly unfolding the neat creases.
Thanks.
I looked at him and smiled a bit. He raised his eyesbrows and mouthed, "Flip it over."
I cocked my head and turned the sheet over.

Wanna go to a movie on Saturday?
Let me know.
678-615-9146

I stared at the words, breathless. I managed to nod slowly, caught up in the moment.

Wow, Cheez! You have a great plot going! I love how you make her react to the things that Justin says and does, and I think that you have his reactions down great, too. Do you think that you could put in a few more characters from the outside world? The world that you have created revloves around them and only them. Myabe you could try putting in other girls who want to date Justin, to add to the drama. Most romances don't turn out right if there is no drama. Remember, this is a famous pop star who has 4 million records sold! You have to think of the fans, of the paparazzi, of the outside world. You started to do that in the first few parts and in the first cahpter, but now, they don't seem to play a big part. In Twilight, the world does not just revolve around Bella and Edward. It involves people like Alice and James, people that hepled make the book and story what it is. I hope this helps and that you don't take the critism to hard!
-Rachelle41

Ah, buty my darling, when I post this post coming up, you shall see what happens ;D