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 Secrets Part one

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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Secrets Part one    Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:29 pm

I am one of the few people in our community that can write. More of us can read, but I can do both special secrets. We are not supposed to know how to. The Leaders say that having too much knowledge will lead to destruction. And so they ban school and encourage jobs. Even ten year olds work, though the legal age is twelve. We are all desperate for money and food. Ariana has little good farming land and huge, horrible cities along with poor, suffering villages. I live in one of the poor villages that is forgotten and tossed to the side like old food. We do not even have a name. Yes, we are so forgotten and put to the side that all we are called is Village Three. There is only one good thing about living in villages. We can be more rebellious. We can attend secret schools and go hunting in the nearby woods. We can eat unripened wheat from the barely producing feilds. Yes, there are some rewards for being forgotten. In the cities they have buildings of metal and hot, paved streets. So no woods are around. They can't have berries, squirrels, or rabbits to eat. Though hunting is illegal already, it is easier to do in tiny, overlooked villages.

That's as far as I got. Hope you liked it!
P.S- If you have any main character names that I might use, just tell me.
P.P.S- I got the name Ariana from a sticker in Orchestra, so I'm open to ANYTHING. Thanks!
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cheez_burger
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PostSubject: Re: Secrets Part one    Thu Sep 09, 2010 4:53 pm

Hey Luv! Love the post, and I'm eager to hear more! Hwever, I did have a few things I noticed.

Quote :
Luv2Type wrote:

I am one of the few people in our community that can write. More of us can read, but I can do both special secrets. We are not supposed to know how to.

Not a very strong lead here. I like it, but It could be better. Something like, "Of the few people in our community that can read and write, I am one of them. More people can read, but only a handfull can do both."
Special Secrets? What are those?

Names? I have a few. The first one is commonly mispronounced.

Ailia (pronounce ALE, like beer, EEH, UH)
Danielle
Ann
BONNIE!
SARAH!
TANA!
GRACE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; It's about learning to dance in the rain.
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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Re: Secrets Part one    Thu Sep 09, 2010 4:56 pm

Thanks Cheez. I'm not sure about those names though and I'll keep my original begining too. The 'special secrets' are reading and writing, because that are special and hardly ever practived and must remain secret to the Leaders and the Followers. You'll read about them later. Thanks for commenting though!
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Rachelle41
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PostSubject: I'm replying!   Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:41 pm

Hey, Luv, that's pretty good. I bet you got your inspiration from the Hunger Games, right? A girl named Rebecca said it was the best book next to the Bible. Keep on posting!
-Rachel I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Secrets Part one    Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:01 pm

Rach, you can say that it was me. Just mention that Luv said it. But it's okay that everyone knows my name, as long as it's not my first and my last. Thanks!
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