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Arrow
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Join date : 2010-02-22
Age : 20
Location : Stalking my next prey >:)

PostSubject: Lost is Arrow   Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:10 pm

I am Arrow
Arrow is me
and I am lost.

Lost in grief,
buried in worry,
pricked with agony,
slammed with decision,
coaxed by deception, sparked by passion,
and difficult by nature.
So say once again

"Where am I?"
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Rachelle41
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Join date : 2010-02-26
Age : 21
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PostSubject: Re: Lost is Arrow   Sat Apr 16, 2011 6:03 pm

An interesting post, dear Arrow. I rather like it. It describes the pressurs of mankind in a lighter way. Was there an event that sparked you to write such a thing? You always seem like such a happy person, always laughing and with a joke to share. But things happene to all of us. Either way, I liked it. Continue the good work!
-Rachelle41 I love you
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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Re: Lost is Arrow   Sun Apr 24, 2011 5:35 pm

It sounds nice. I like the questioning of ones-self. The title might be better if it was called 'Where Am I' and instead of calling yourself Arrow, just say 'I'. The first stanza could be changed to 'I am myself, every part of myself is me, and every part of me is lost'. You could add another stanza between 'I am Arrow' and 'Lost in grief'. Highlight the 'every part of me is lost' section. For example:
I am myself
Every part of myself is me
Every part of me is lost

Every inch of my soul blows in the wind
A dry, hot wind that sets my soul a-thirst
That sets my soul a-flame
That causes only greater misery
Greater confusion in myself
I call through the dusty wind
'Where am I?'

"Original Ending Stanza"

Hope you don't mind that I said all that, but I thought you could use some length. I love you!
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