The Guardians: Part 1

I was running. Running fast. Vines and thorns and branches tugged at me, as the forest seemed to close in around me. I reached for my quiver as my bow dissolved into my hand. While I loaded my arrow, the little time I had to get out of there shortened as I tripped, dragging myself up again. I heard it wrecking the brush behind me, trampling over the life of MY forest. I took the chance of not looking where I was going to aim my arrows back at it. I turned back around and heard the beast roar in rage. Blast it! I thought. He can't die by simple arrows! For the monster that had been chasing me was one not told of in fairy tales or legends. This one was far more gruesome, and to terrible for the eyes of mere mortals. This thing was what I called an Eurynomus. It was a blue-skinned lion that ate or destroyed everything in its path. He fed on the rotting souls and meat of carcasses. His tail was a flame-throwing rope of fire. burning anything he forgot to destroy when he left.

As I scolded myself for being thoughtless, I came to the edge of my forest--The edge of a cliff. The Eurynomus crashed through the undergrowth behind me, halting at the edge of the trees. Neither of us moved a muscle, except for our heavy breathing. I was trapped. If I moved, he would pounce. But if he moved, there was little I could do. I thought hard about where he was vulnerable. His fur was bullet-proof, and since I couldn't penetrate anything with even the slightest layer of fur on it, I had to thing of something else. I studied him, then got it. His mouth. I had to get to his mouth. When he pounced on me, I'd have to get something in there...Something sharp and sure to get deep in there.

But before I could finish my thoughts, he leaped.

Are you sure you didn't just copy that out of a multiple award winning book? I want more! You should really consider writing out an entire book from this little (beastly) piece of literary art. I do have a bit of critique and/or constructive criticism to add. First off, I know this adds effect to something, but I don't understand what it means for the bow to "dissolve" in the character's hands. It could just be me and my ever-confused mind, but I was just wondering. I like how you emphasized the my in "MY forest." I am also in love with the fact that this "gruesome" monster is so beastly (not the good beastly) that it isn't even told in fairy tales. Great idea! I got a little confused with how the monster's name would be pronounced. It looks like it would start with a "U" sound, and if it did, then it shouldn't have the word "an" before it, but an "a" instead. Just a simple grammar thing to be fixed unless I am wrong. Also, look at this little part here:

"His tail was a flame-throwing rope of fire. burning anything he forgot to destroy when he left."

I'm not sure if you would like to put a comma in the place of the period after fire, or if you wanted to keep the period and capitalize the "b" in burning. I suggest it be a comma. Another thing I can't not tell you about is how great you are at leaving a reader hanging and drooling for more! I beg you to post up more! Then go get it published and see what happens after that. All in all, I LOVED IT!

Cheez. This is absolutly, positivly AWESOME!. A real cliff hanger, get it? Hee hee.
I can't wait to read the rest.

Well, okipoki has already given you a couple pointers, but I figure I'll do this anyway, haha...

As for the first couple sentences...great~! But when you said, "my bow dissolved into my hand," unless there was some sort of further meaning, it would've been better to use a word other than "dissolved"....as okipoki said, yes. Then, another word besides "wrecking". Razing, maybe? Or a synonym, that just looks odd to me. Then, when she's turning, perhaps say that she was turning to see whether her shot had been a success. Also, he can't be killed by simple arrows. That's gramatically correct and all, but...well, I'm just sayin'. It's my job to be critical here...

"An" Eurynomus is gramatically correct because even if it was a "u" sound, "u" is a vowel, along with a, e, i, and sometimes y~! Trust me, I know my vowels in four different languages, I'm not going to forget them now..."Too" terrible for the eyes of mortals is how it's said. Also, did she name it, or did her people name it? "He fed upon the rotting souls of the dead, as well as the meat of their carcasses." Or something like that. Yes, there should be a comma between fire and burning. "When he left" is not the best wording, so take a look at that. "I came to the edge of my forest--in other words, the edge of a cliff" Would sound better. I think, aha...Then again, if he moved, I was dead anyway. "I had to THINK of something else", rather than "thing" of something else. "I studied him closely for a moment...and then it came to me." Don't be afraid to use ellipses (...) because it's either that or filling in exactly what she was studying. Ex: My eyes flitted across his grotesque form, searching for any possibly weakness. An old injury, an unhealed scar, anything that could give me the upper hand. Of course, if you wanted to do that, then that'd be fine too.

Okay, line break. So..."...Something sharp and sure to be lethal." I don't know, that sentence is just confusing. It'll confuse the reader, trying to make sense of it.

Well! That was long, and rather tiring, but also fun! Despite the late hour! Well, this is my review, cheez...Hope ya' don't mind or anything...I'll wait to hear back from you on this before I review the next installment, though, 'kay?

~Tobi~

Oh My fluff muffining gawd!!!!!!!!! I love to write and all but that was pure talent write like that! Totally worthy publishing material and even I could not do that with my best work.

That's really interesting! Can't wait for the next post! I also love the detail in the beginning! Keep up the good work!