Dear Austin

8/6/10
Dear Austin,
I decided today that suicide can actually be an option. You won’t know, of course, until I actually do it, if I do. You’ll probably wonder why a whole notebook is filled with letters to you, when I never said a word about this out loud. It’s because you’re the cool headed, smart twin brother and I’m the crazy, stupid one. Which is why when I actually do it, people will only be slightly surprised. Today was the first day of school as you know, and being sophomores, we’re both pretty used to Buckman. That didn’t stop Yvette Joan’s from laughing when I sat next to her in chemistry and asking if I was a freshman. Which doesn’t make since at all, since I was in her geography class last year, at the back of her row.
Never mind. At lunch, I sat next to Tyler Moates and he asked if he knew me. I started pumping him for a yes, reminding him that I sat next to him last year in language arts and we’d been partners on a research paper. He smiled and said ‘oh yeah’ then started blabbing about his awesome summer in California, with his dad. It seems like all the normal kids have separated parents. Maybe that’s why I’m a freak.
Never mind. This is a suicide explainer, not a journal. I want to do it because I’m a weird, stupid guy that no one remembers. Dad calls me you half the time, but he never calls you me. My social studies teacher this year looked a little upset that she got me, not you. Mom yells at me and treats you like the man of the family, ever though I’m the older one.
It’s stupid. Maybe if I killed myself, you people would get it. That I’m not some stupid, throw away. Dead people always get better voices-Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Mohandas Gandhi. Ask somebody alive, like Barack Obama. No matter how inspirational he is to black people, we’ll say he isn’t as good as MLK.
8/8/10
I smiled at Yvette today in the hallway and she gave me the weird stare. In chemistry she asked why I always look at her. I acted like all the other guys and said it’s because she had good boobs. She shrugged and turned around. The truth is I like her smile and always want to frown at those green colored contacts. I liked her brown eyes much better.
Never mind. Maybe if I killed myself and left a note for her, she’d feel bad. Maybe she’d even come to the funeral. Or she could laugh over that stupid invisible boy that liked her boobs. I swear I’d pop out of the casket and strangle her with my own bare hands. That’d teach her a lesson.
I could hang all her friends by those stupid sparkly scarves they wear, because she thought they were cute. They toss them over their shoulders at people they think are stupid. I’ve gotten a toss every day.
Never mind. This is stupid. I should just do it.

Um, it's a very accurate story, sad though. You can imagine it happening, which is probably the saddest part. I would understand that, and so would Luv. However, suicide is never the answer, I wish I could tell him that.
Very well written, though. Although it does read more like a journal than a letter, but the fact that it's groups of letters, so much pent up anguish and sorrow, throws a twist on things.
You're a good writer and will go far.
-Rachelle41

Really? I thought you'd blow up and ask if I was suicidial or something. I tried to touch on a big topic and you can't really escape the gay suicide stuff right now. I'm considering making him gay by the way, but it'd be awkward for me to right about, so maybe not. Plus it's against the Bible (I'm a Christin, so yeah). Thanks. I hope everyone elses sees what you do.

I'll get to the grammar in a moment; before that, I'd like to comment on the subject matter. First, never hesitate to touch on something big here. I think we're all people who realize what's important, and none of us have ever really shied away from sensitive subjects. And hey, look at me; you don't have to be suicidal to write about someone committing suicide, though I'll admit I've given it thought before (everyone goes through hard times, I think; it's those whose times are always hard that actually go through with it). However...eh, I can't sugar-coat this. I've considered bringing this up in the Debate Place for quite some time, I just can't think of how to word it.

I was ready to propose to you until you brought that last bit up ("Jeez, someone finally understands how serious prejudice against--WHY, CRUEL WORLD?"). That's a little hypocritical, you know, first saying you wanted to touch on the topic of gay suicide, and then adding that homosexuality is "against the Bible". I'm taking this to a debate, I swear, I just have to figure out how to make it into a debate! XD Alright, I'll comment on the story now...

Quick grammar: There's no need for that comma before "when" in the third sentence. Hyphen between "cool" and "headed". Possibly a comma before "and" in the same sentence. Comma before "as you know". Why is there an apostrophe "s" after "Joan"? Maybe try "Jones"? "Doesn't make SENSE at all". When you're referring to language arts as a class, it'd make more sense (to me) if it were "Language Arts", but I could be wrong. Comma after 'oh yeah'. Hyphen between "suicide" and "explainer" (seeing as it's sorta a made-up word). "EVEN though I'm the older one", typo. I'd suggest a double hyphen between "get it" and "that I'm" ("Maybe If I killed myself, you people would get it -- that I'm not some stupid throw-away."). Spaces before and after that next hyphen. No comma before "because" in the scarf sentence. Also, you're sentences don't have much variety; try a few more complex/compound/complex-compound sentences here and there.

Wow. I really get this piece; I've seen this before, actually. I love your use of "nevermind" to cut off his thoughts, as well. The invisible twin, who's always mistaken but never mistaken for...Sometimes suicide really does seem like the only option, even though it never is. He should talk to someone, a friend, a counselor, his brother. He probably won't, but he should. I'm willing to bet no one wishes him dead, not really. If you plan on writing another part, perhaps it should be in a real-world format, like the brother finding the journal (before or after), or his funeral. Maybe just his interaction with the other characters; I'd really love to see that. The causes and effects of suicide are very complex, and, though saddening, somehow fascinating to watch unfold...So long as you aren't one of those involved. Then it's just sad.

;.; D'awww.

~Tobi~

Wow Tobi, very informative. My dad is just-say the word lesbian or gay and he'll say a hundred times 'it's sin'. So honestly, he probably won't be gay. And I don't really know how to write from that persepctive. To prove he isn't gay and highlight how looked over he is, could I publish the next scene(s) even though they contain some, uh, sex?

XD Er, yeah, I started worrying I'd offended you directly after I posted that, so I hope that's not the case. But really, you shouldn't let your parents direct your beliefs like that. My mother and I will forever disagree about evolution, but at the end of it, you know, we just agree to disagree. I mean, you shouldn't do anything that would get you into a lot of trouble, but it's not like other people can control how you think and feel. Er, I'm using a lot of "but"s and it's really bothering me because I hate overusing words, just saying...XD

If you have trouble writing from a certain perspective, it's usually best to get behind that perspective somehow; for a writer, the best way would be reading something from that perspective. I don't know how you could do that, precisely...but for future reference? ;D

Are they family-friendly sex scenes? 'Cause otherwise...I really don't think Cheez would want that. I mean, if it's all kind of vague and you don't mention any details, that'd probably be okay, but anything explicit is a no-no. As a writer, you can pretty much do whatever you want, of course, and that scene would make sense...Posting it here, though, would be frowned upon. Greatly so. D; Sorry, mate, there's just a lot of younger members, and you never know who's passing through the site.

~Tobi~

8/10/11
Dear Austin,
I saw you today-I saw the smile Yvette gave you, the little wave. You just stared at her, like some idiot. I keep telling you that I’m Mr. Invisible and you’re Mr. Perfect. This is all the proof you need, really. Just so you know, teachers have asked me ‘why can’t you be more like Austin? He turns his work in, he participates in class.’ Maybe I can’t be more like you, because I don’t want to. Maybe I want to blow the whole world up and you want to save it. We can play Mr. Good and Mr. Evil, have a big battle and then Mr. Evil disappears in a cloud of smoke, like in all the books, all the movies, all the ‘I-wishes’. Nobody wants me, everybody wants you. If you’d just open your eyes you could see how much sense it makes.
9/1/10
Dear Austin,
I didn’t even want to write to you. I didn’t want to tell you how close-so close-I came to doing it. Or what I did with her. In the bathroom on the thirteenth I opened my pocket knife and was so close to cutting my wrist open and just dying when I heard you. I heard you asking some other guy why Yvette wears scarves in summer. It’s such a stupid question, really. Because she wants to. Because she’s freaking Yvette Joan’s! I could’ve slapped the life out of you, idiot.
On the fourteenth rumor got out that Yvette was waiting in the C hall bathroom to have sex with the first guy that told her he liked her scarf. I took a shortcut through the janitor’s closet and got there first.
“Hi Yvette, I like your scarf.”
Half the class stopped dead while turning the corner. She smiled at me and then pulled me into the faculty bathroom. Stripping her shirt off, she smiled that little seductive smile I’ve seen her give half the football team.
I kissed her for a full minute, till I could feel her swaying from lack of oxygen. “Ever done this before?”
She laughed. “Duh.”
I smiled and lied. “Me too.” We made out for a few minutes, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind-why would she be so willing to bring me into a bathroom with her, when she laughed when I stared at her? “Why do you want to have sex with me?”
She laughed again. “Austin, why wouldn’t I? You’re the hottest non-football player in the school!” Then she kissed me long and smooth, like I’d just done.
I let her believe it. I faked the whole time that I was Mr. Perfect, that I was Austin, not Adam. Because if she’d known-even suspected for just a second- this whole thing would come crashing down. She’d probably even accuse me of rape. I asked if she was going with anyone to homecoming. She said several football players had asked her.
“How bought we go, but leave early to have some more fun?”
She laughed and crawled over to where I was sitting, then she kissed my cheek and rubbed away her own lip gloss mark. “I’ve love that Aust.”
We French kissed and then she got up to get dressed. I helped put her clothes on and then dressed quickly myself. Nobody would be that surprised that I had skipped. She could come up with a lie about why she hadn’t been in her class. As long as she believes I’m you, homecoming is on. You’ll be mad, when you read this. But I’ll probably be dead, so it’s not like you could kill me.

I hope this is G-rated enough. I went back and revised it to make it more vague.