The Skye Is Blood Red (a comedy)

Okay, ya'll, this is a play my cousin and I wrote in Arizona while we were visiting our grandparents. The cast is me (Tobi), my cousins (Arynne and Jensen), and my little brother, Michael. This is all COMEDY. 100% humor. Don't take anything we say seriously. Note: There's no racism or gay bashing or anything, it's just random humor.

The Skye is Blood Red
Characters:
Vampires:
Skye- Jensen- the only sane character, doesn't think Tobi has what it takes to be the leader (has never seen Tobi's awesome power).
Kisuke- Michael- an explosive-tempered young vampire that cannot keep his mouth shut, supports Tobi in most things.
Tobi- Tobi- insane leader of revolting vampire trio; a good, random, stupid, gender-confused vampire, who is constantly annoying the others, but is the most powerful vampire there is (even if she acts like a child most of the time...).
Ruling Party:
Yoko- Arynne- insane 2-year-old girl ruling the country of Opecia
Deidei- Tobi- weird, lethargic, slightly stoic servant of Yoko.
Storm- Jensen- overly-loyal, always obeys Yoko, kind of a chatterbox.

Plot:
A psychotic two-year-old girl named Yoko rules the tiny country of Opecia. Which may or may not actually exist. A few of the citizens are vampires, and they're planning a revolt against the young ruler. Tobi is the leader of the vampire trio, and the strongest vampire by far. Watch the revolt as it takes place, and the consequences that ensue.

Script:
Scene One:

(Yoko enters stage left. Hears vampires coming. Hides in bushes- audience can still see her)
(Tobi enters stage left)
Tobi: I like eating puppies. They so good, hard-boiled. I like them liquefied, too- right down to the blood and gore and what not...
(Skye enters behind Tobi, shaking head)
(Kisuke enters behind Skye)
Kisuke: Will you SHUT UP already?!?!?!?!
(Tobi runs up to Kisuke. The two start bickering without touching one another- shouting heads off)
Skye: KNOCK IT OFF!!!
(Tobi and Skye instantly fall silent, turn to Skye, Tobi starts bawling like a small child)
Kisuke: Look what you've done, Skye. You've made our leader cry like a BABY!!!!
(Skye sighs)
Skye: Can you two stop talking so we can fufill our mission? I wanna make it home so I can watch Vampires Nightly.
(Tobi suddenly stops crying and glares at Skye)
Skye: What?
Tobi: You do not care about our mission? It is very, very important. But evidently not to YOU.
Skye: It is important, Tobi. So can we get a move on with it? The Loco Yoko kid isn't gonna be a kid by the time we get there, at the rate we're going.
(Tobi glares at Skye. Tobi walks past Skye, chin held high. Proceeds for a few steps, then runs into a wall)
(Kisuke and Skye help Tobi up and all exit stage right; Yoko crawls out from behind bushes)
(Yoko sits and rubs hands together evilly)
Yoko: So they plan to take me down, do theys? Well, they've lost their element of surprise. Stupid vampeys.
(Yoko exits stage right)
Scene Two:
(Yoko, Storm, and Deidei enter stage right, Yoko sits on throne)
Yoko: Stormy darling, bwing me my bottle!! AND IT BETTER BE FRESH THIS TIME!!!
Storm: Yes, your Royal-ness!
(Storm bows head towards Yoko, exits stage left)
Yoko: Deidei, today I founded the vampeys plans to take over my countwy!
Deidei: . . .
Yoko: That's exactly what I was tinking, Deidei! Good job!
Deidei: Thank you, Mistress Egg.
Yoko: Any ideas on how ta stop tem?
Deidei: No.
Yoko: Okay, then I guess we won't stop tem...
(Deidei falls asleep)
(Storm enters stage left, carrying bottle)
Storm: I brought you some milk, of the best sort---
(Storm trips over Deidei)
Storm: Aahh!!
Yoko: Now, now, don't be a klutz, Stormy! You coulded have killed poor Deidei!
(Storm stands up and glares at Deidei, Deidei snores, Storm drags Deidei away)
(all exit stage right)
Scene Three:
(vampire trio is behind royal castle)
Tobi: I'm thirsty. Can I eat Yoko when we overthrow her?
Skye: Get over it. I claimed Yoko before you, so I get her blood first. You and Kisuke get the leftovers.
Kisuke: I think Tobi gets dibs first, you should get the leftovers for disagreeing with her.
Tobi: I dunno, maybe I should eat somebody else before we go in, for extra strength!
Skye: You already ate five people on the way here!! How hungry can you be?!
Tobi: I haven't eaten since Yoko said we couldn't eat people, so I can be extremely hungry.
(Tobi happily bares her fangs, Skye rolls her eyes)
Skye: Why were you obeying the orders of someone we're trying to overthrow?! REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE MADE A PSYCHO LIKE YOU OUR LEADER?!
(Tobi makes a face)
Kisuke: 'Cause she's currently the most powerful vampire alive...Even if she is nuts...
Tobi: I don't like peanuts, pistachios are better!
(Tobi laughs hysterically, Kisuke shrugs)
Skye: Of course, Tobi, of course. But I would suggest that we complete our mission now, or give up. This is probably the only chance we'll get.
Tobi: Jeez, Skye, no need to be so serious. Tobi is a good boy...
Skye: Tobi. You're female. You cannot be a good boy.
Tobi: Really?
(Tobi tilts head to side, Sky walks over and pats the confused vampire on the head)
Skye: Really.
Tobi: How do you know?
Skye: I just know, okay!!!
Tobi: I don't believe you.
Skye: TOBI!!!
Tobi: WHAT?!?!
Skye: Urg...Why you little...
(Skye drags Tobi off stage)
Tobi: H-hey! I'm a good person--well, not really...uh, I'm too young to--wait, I'm over thirty thousand years old, I can't be too young...please don't kill me!
(all exit stage right)
Scene Four:
(all enter stage left, vampire trio is in front of castle)
Tobi: Okay, time for a plan!
Skye: I suggest that we--
Tobi: Your opinion is irrevelant! I am the supreme ruler here!
Kisuke: Well, what do you think we should do?
Tobi: Uh...Attack when they're not looking!
Skye: That's been done. Many, many times.
Tobi: Impersonate the servants who happen to look exactly like me and Skye!!
Kisuke: Hey!! What about me?!
Tobi: Sorry, Kisuke, but you're irrevelant too. You do not share my love for cookies.
(Tobi sticks tongue out a Kisuke)
Kisuke: WHAT DO COOKIES HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!?!?!
Tobi: Cookies are the center of all beings. Remember this, you shall.
Skye: Are you only serious when you're annoying someone?!
(Skye glares at Tobi, Skye crosses arms)
Tobi: Yes, yes, YES!! Y-E-S you so smart Skye!
(Tobi laughs hysterically again, Skye puts her face in her hand)
Skye: I don't know how your parents lived with you until you were an adult...
Tobi: Parents? Whoops...I thought you were supposed to eat the people who borned you...If it helps, Skye-bear, they tasted really yummy roasted!
(Tobi rubs stomach, licks lips, Skye throws hands into the air)
Skye: TOBI!!! GET SERIOUS NOW!!
Tobi: Yeah, okay, can I get fries with that please? You know how I love to eat fries with my serious.
Skye: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU TOBI?!?! WHAT STRANGE DEFORMITY HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR MIND?!?!?!
Tobi: I'm sorry, I don't speak deformity. Or mind. Wait, I have a mind?! That's so cool!
(Tobi smiles, Skye screams and hits self in head-not too hard, just lightly--looks harder than is)
Kisuke: Okay, I've had enough, you two can go this alone...I'd rather not die directly after my fifteen thousandth birthday.
Tobi: Sure, Cookie-san. C'mon Skye-bear, we have to find those servants.
(Skye is lying on the ground, Tobi pulls her away, they exit stage right)
Kisuke: Oh, so I'm Cookie-san now?! Well, I better wait for them to come out or announce the battle...and maybe I'll visit the Fang Health Center while I'm at it...my poor fangs are getting dull!
(Kisuke exits stage left)
Scene Five:
(Yoko enters stage right, Tobi and Skye are behind her pretending to be Deidei and Storm)
(Yoko sits on throne)
Yoko: Deidei, you's awful energy-ized all of a sudden. What bwought on dis change? Don't tell me ta cook gaveded you's caffiene?!
Tobi: Uh...sorry, she gave me too many cookies, I guess...you know what sugar does to my system.
(Skye smacks Tobi on the head)
Skye: Address her Majesty with respect!! (whispering--Tobi, you idiot, the cook is a guy!!)
Tobi: (whispering--How was I supposed to know?! I've never met him, much less taken a peek under his apron!!)
Skye: (whispering, voice rises slightly--What makes you think I have?!?!)
(Tobi looks away, snorts with a smug expression)
Yoko: Why's you two whispering? Is not a big deals, I just tell Miss Cook that you's not suppose to has sugar...Meanwhiles, Deidei needs to take a nap!
Tobi: Um, oookkkaaayyy....
(Tobi hits self on head, falls over knocked out--Skye rolls eyes)
Yoko: Waz up withs her? Huh, Stormy darling, get Deidei a pwillow.
Skye: A what?
Yoko: A PWILLOW!! GET IT NOW!!!
Skye: Sure, sure, on my way right now!
(Skye exits stage left)
Yoko: What's with dose two? Stormy darling never questions my orders...and Deidei just falls over, she never haves to hits herself on da head!! Wuz going on here?!
(Yoko frowns)
(Skye enters stage left, holding pillow, carefully side-steps Tobi)
Skye: I got the pillow you asked for.
Yoko: WHAT'S WONG WIT YOU?!?! YOU TWOS AW ACTIN' STWANGE!!!
Skye: Y-yeah, that's because, um, I took a class on serving royals, and it turns out being a klutz is a bad thing, so I'm working hard to improve! And, um, Deidei is high off of sugar, as you know, so she knocked herself out to make sure she'd stay asleep, you know...heh...
(Skye looks nervous while talking, make sure to stutter, runs fingers through hair and other gestures of uncomfortable-ness)
Tobi: AAHH!!! SUGAR!! I NEEEED SUGAR, NOW!!!
(Tobi is still asleep, grabs Skye's leg, Skye kicks Tobi off--not enough to injure Tobi, Tobi flys back by own power)
Skye: TOBI YOU FREAK STOP THAT ALREADY!!!
Yoko: Ah-hah! I knewed it! You're those bad stupid vampeys, dat's not Deidei is the evil leader Dopey!!!
Tobi: You diaper wearing psycho!! Tobi is a good stupid boy!!! No questions!! TOBI'S STUPID AND A BOY BUT ALSO GOOD BECAUSE TOBI LIKES SPICY MUFFFINS!!!
(Tobi is still lying down, pounds ground like a small child throwing a tantrum)
Tobi: I'M A REAL BOY BECAUSE GEPPETTO AND THE TOOTH FAIRY SAYS SO!!!
(Tobi is no longer coherent at this point, Skye stares at Tobi quizzically)
Skye: She's finally cracked...This reminds me of the Vampire Knight episode where Zero dumped Yuki and she cracked and sucked all his blood...that was my favorite episode, y'know, oh, I almost forgot! Trinity Blood comes on in an hour!! At this rate I'm going to miss it and Vampires Nightly!!! Darn you, Yoko, making me miss all my favorite shows!!
Yoko: You die now, vampey!! Yah!
(Yoko air-punches Skye, Kisuke enters stage right)
Kisuke: The time has come for me to prove myself! Tobi-dono, watch me--what the?!?! Uh...Tobi-dono?
Tobi: NO, I DON'T WANT YOUR APPLE, WICKED WITCH, I KNOW IT'S FREAKIN' POISONED!! YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE MY RUBY SLIPPERS SO YOU CAN BE THE FAIREST ONE IN KANSAS!!!
Kisuke: Skye! She missed her last appointment at the mental therapist for vampires, didn't she?!
Skye: It's not my fault! She wouldn't go, and she threatened to break the TV!
Kisuke: It is too your fault! She was our secret weapon, but you let her go insane!! Just listen to her, she sounds like she's going on another rampage through the town or something!!!
Tobi: SHE'S ASLEEP, MAN, YOU CAN'T GIVE BACK HER GLASS BALL GOWN!!! YOU HAVE TO EAT HER TO MAKE HER WAKE UP AT MIDNIGHT!!!
Skye: No, it sounds like she's been watching too many fairy tales that have happy endings...you know what that does to her...
Kisuke: Oh, whoops! I forgot to watch her when she was playing with the TV...but how did she get ahold of those accursed human movies?! Those can do terrible things to a vampire...
Skye: Yoko must have planted them in her coffin!! You know how gullible Tobi is...It's possible she couldn't resist the temptation with her child-sized brain!
Tobi: NOOOO THE WOLF WILL EAT YOU GOLDILOCKS!!! DON'T LET HIM INTO THE PORRIDGE!!! HE'S GONNA HIT YOU WITH STICKS AND STRAW!!! USE THE BRICKS IN BABY BEAR'S CHAIR!!!
Skye: She actually kind of makes them better...More vampire-ish, you know. Oh, have you seen that new movie that's coming out? It's called Blood Plus! I can't wait to see it!
Kisuke: Get your head out of the television and into the battle! We have to destroy Yoko!!
Skye: Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know you like watching my shows too. You'll admit it someday!
Yoko: Yous can ever beet me!
(Yoko rushes towards the pair, trips over Tobi, who is still lying down)
Yoko: WAAHHH!!!
(Tobi shoots to her feet, dumping Yoko onto the ground, Yoko gets knocked out)
Tobi: Mission accomplished! Yoko is dead! Woohoo!!!
(Tobi runs around in cirlces, Skye and Kisuke look at her like she's insane)
Skye: All better?
Tobi: (stops running) All better! And now Skye-bear can go home and watch the telly 'till her brain turns to mush and falls out of her ears!
Kisuke: Uh...What are we going to do about the servants?
Tobi: Aw, they're not gonna do anything. We killed them, too!
(Tobi beams, Skye rolls her eyes)
Skye: Yeah. Riiiggghhhttt. There's a difference between unconcious and dead, you know.
(Tobi frowns)
Tobi: Really?
Skye: Really.
Tobi: Reeeaaalllyyyy?
Skye: Yes, Tobi.
Tobi: I don't--
Skye: Believe you?
(Tobi smiles)
Tobi: Nope. So, Skye, I've decided it's time for a change.
(Tobi looks serious, Skye lookes excited)
Skye: You're finally going to become sane?!
Tobi: Heck no! I'm going to stop obeying Yoko's order not to eat people!
(Skye looks angry...very angry)
Skye: TTTOOOBBBIIII!!!!!!!!
Tobi: SSSSKKKYYYEEE!!!!!
(Tobi and Skye start tossing insults at each other, Kisuke looks out at audiance)
Kisuke: This has nothing to do with me.
(Skye and Tobi drag Kisuke off stage, still fighting with each other, all exit stage right)
Scene Six:
(Deidei and Storm wake up behind the castle)
Storm: Where are we?
Deidei: No idea. Let's go feed on some humans, I'm hungry.
(Deidei stands up, so does Storm)
Storm: Yeah, me too.
Deidei: I heard the council's meeting tonight. Something about a new leader, Dobi or something.
Storm: Tobi.
Deidei: Oh, right.
Storm: Sounds exciting. You going?
(Deidei shakes head)
Deidei: Naw. You?
Storm: No. I'm sure it's going to be boring. I mean, it's not like she's crazy or anything.
Deidei: You got that right! Well, let's go.
(Deidei and Storm exit stage right, a evil/crazy laugh sounds from backstage)
???: Mwahaha I'M LEADER OF THE VAMPIRES NOW, OH YEAH!!!!
(evil/crazy laugh sounds again...)
The End.

Sorry if you find this hard to read, but it didn't keep it's original formatting, so...Well, it would've taken a long time to go back and redo all that. If ya' really want me to, though, just ask.
NAME PRONOUNCIATIONS: Tobi - Toe-bee, Kisuke - Key-skay, Yoko - yoh-koh, Skye - Sk-"i", Storm - St-ore-m, Deidei - Day-day
~Most of these are pretty self-explanitory, but some are Japanese, so I wanted to help ya'll out a little!~

~Tobi~

ROFL!! *sniffle* You're going to kill me one of these days with laughter. RUBY SLIPPERS! Seriously, that was random and funny. I want a next chapter if you have one.
~Nikki
P.S. Im still Miss America, just don't eat me when I win...... LOL

I know right? My own hilarity kills me every time I read this...Well, it's a script, so it probably won't have another chapter, but I'm planning on writing a sequel eventually. If you couldn't tell, at the end there...TOBI NOW RULES OPECIA! WHICH IS A TOTALLY FICTIONAL COUNTRY THAT I CAME UP WITH IN ABOUT FIVE SECONDS~! Heh heh...Thanks for commenting, though~!

~Tobi~

Small preview of the sequel...

Tobi: You know, Skye, violence is the key to happiness.
(Tobi stares at Skye seriously, Skye looks doubtful)
Skye: Uh-huh...Um, darling Tobi, where did you hear that, exactly??
Tobi: You know that day when I went back in time?
Skye: Yeeaaah. Sure.
Tobi: Well, I had a very nice conversation with some guy named Hitler!
(Skye facepalms, Tobi smiles brightly)
Skye: . . .

You are HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tobi having a nice conversation with HITLER. That's just too funny! The only thig I don't really like it the vampire part. I'm not the biggest fan of them, but hey, this is FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I LOVE it, Can't wait for the sequel! And the mixing up fairy tales? That was SO funny too. Practically everything was funny! Rather than teh gender confused stuff. I don't get that stuuf- at all! Anyways, I loved it! MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luv

XD Gender-confused = Tobi doesn't quite understand the difference between girls and boys, and thus, she believs herself to be a boy. I also went through this stage in my life...XD Kidding, kidding. But, just as a sort of announcement (that's why I'm posting this), the sequel IS in progress as of now! So far, the title is, "As The Waters Part" (think Moses). Also, in case none of you made the connection, I got "Opecia" by adding -ia to "OPEC". XD My creative-ness shines through...! Or not...Well, I'll be introducing a human group and a new vampire...I'll tell you their names now! Because I'm bored and have nothing better to do! (Stupid Geometry...)

New Vampire: Evie
Humans: Jero, Alfredo, and Romano. (More creative-ness)

~Tobi~