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 Breaking the Shell (Preview)

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Aphrodite
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PostSubject: Breaking the Shell (Preview)   Breaking the Shell (Preview) EmptyMon Feb 22, 2010 10:40 pm

(This is just about the first page or so of the prequel to my current novel. A critique would very much be appreciated. Enjoy!)

As always, I have arisen before my sisters. Both Beatrice and Amelia lay quietly, their heads on the stolen burlap sacks that serve as our pillows. I dare not wake them, for I do not want them to be in bad spirits when they realize there will be no food for breakfast.
We’ve had to live like this—five months, to be exact—since our parents perished in that terrible fire. Before that—oh, it seems like an age has passed since then—I was wealthy, living in a household where servants cared for my sisters and I. Now we had been reduced to street scum. Winter is approaching (I can feel the cold air swirling around my arms), and now our life will be harder than ever.
I hear sounds. My sisters are awaking. Beatrice sits up and rubs her eyes.
“Good morning, Katherine,” she says. “Breakfast?”
I shake my head.
Beatrice sighs. I can tell she is disappointed, but trying to hide it. At fourteen, she is always trying to act as understanding as possible. However, by the look on her face, I can almost tell what she is thinking. I hate having to live like this. Why can’t we find shelter, or live the way we used to?
“Don’t worry,” I tell her reassuringly. “Once Amelia wakes, we can see if the baker has made any fresh bread. Maybe we can even see if he’s made some new pastries.”
I wink, and this makes her laugh.
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Stori
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PostSubject: Re: Cracking the Shell   Breaking the Shell (Preview) EmptyWed Feb 24, 2010 2:44 pm

Very well done!

There is one small problem: you could add more space between paragraphs.
My standard procedure is to press Enter twice between paragraphs.
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