Story part 4

Chapter 14
Recap: There were no screams, no cries of pain, nor even the smell of burning flesh. Only the birds, their chirping growing louder and more urgent as seconds passed by, then minutes, until they finally flew away, possibly scared off by your assailant. But the question still remained...who was attacking you in the first place?!

“Show yourself, fiend!” you shouted at the empty space before you, searching for signs of life. A twig snapped behind you, causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. “What the he—“ A hand clamped tightly over your mouth, silencing you.
“It’s just me, Brigadier General.” Shun’s voice reached your ears as the hand left your mouth. You sighed, relief flooding through you.
“Don’t scare me like that!” you snapped, pulling away from him. Shun grinned in response, patting you on the back.
"Nice try, though, ya' almost electrocuted your favorite bodyguard, General!" he chuckled, continuing to pat you on the back. You glared at him. And glared. And continued to glare. "Okay, okay, I get the idea!" he said, hastily removing his hand.
"This is ridiculous. Can't a single one of you actually pretend like you were concerned for my well-being?!" you growled, throwing your hands up in a gesture of frustration.
"I really was worried, little Saya-cha--"
"Shut up, Roy." You barked, kicking him in the face (and most likely breaking his nose) when he tried to theatrically embrace you (basically flying at you like some sort of missile).
"You're so abusive, especially to me and both Nagana-sans..." he whimpered, clinging to your leg like a lost child. Or a pleading, annoying, utterly spoiled brat.
"Huh? But Musta--I mean, Roy, you barely know my brother. What're you--"
"I'm right here, Shun-kun. Aw, that sounds so cute! My adorable little brother, that's what you are!" Isei cooed, making his way with arms outstretched towards Shun. Who promptly ducked out of the way.
“You’re really a disgusting lowlife, ya’ know that?” Shun grumbled, nudging his fallen brother with the tip of his steel-toed boot.
"Enough with the family reunions already. I'm ready to get back to work...hopefully they won't count this little incident as vacation time..." By the time your words trailed off, you were just speaking your thoughts aloud. But it was truly a very disturbing thought...you never took vacations. Never. All your vacation days wasted, in one little kidnapping...the thought was enough to make you shudder violently.
"Chill, Sayaka. They may be idiots, but the military higher-ups...well, the Fuhrer doesn't take vacation time away from you because of a kidnapping. Besides, you don't actually take time off, so why're you so worried? I'd suggest you take a little time to recover, too." Isei advised, rising from the ground. He dusted himself off without seeming to realize what he was doing. Apparently, he fell down a lot...and probably at the hands of Shun...
"Whatever. Roy, how'd you get here?" you asked him, sauntering over to where he was standing. Roy eyed you rather nervously, but answered anyway.
"A c-car..." he stammered, twitching slightly. You nodded with satisfaction; this way, you could take a nap on the way back. Without stopping to think things over or converse with your comrades, you grabbed Roy by the back of his shirt, and dragged him in the opposite direction (from where you'd been headed earlier). Shun and Isei watched you grow smaller and smaller as you traveled further away from them, until, each shaking his head, they followed steadily after you.

Havoc's POV
I waited impatiently for the Colonel to return, pacing back and forth endlessly. What could be taking him so long?! Well, saving his little sister for one...but why was it taking so long?! I was about to die of anxiety, waiting and waiting for that stupid Colonel...
"Hey, Havoc! What're you walking in circles like that for?" Ed called out to me, his younger brother Alphonse walking at his side. I glanced over at him for a moment, then returned to my pacing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a frustrated expression on his face. Apparently, he really wanted an answer...
"Oh! Hey Havoc! And you too...Fullmetal." an oddly cheerful Sayaka greeted us. Roy, Shun, and some guy I didn't know were by her side. Well, it was about time they got back!
"Where on earth have you guys been?! I've been worried sick!" I exploded out of no where; in fact, it was so sudden my poor cigarette fell out of my mouth, for the first time in years. Distracted, I hastily searched for a new one to replace it. But the only pack I had on me...was empty. "Nooo!" I wailed, completely forgetting my agitation at the foursome. I had to replace it immediately!

Your POV
Havoc ran off to find a new cigarette, leaving your group alone with Ed. Eventually, it was only you and Ed, after the other three each made random excuses meant to give you two some "alone time". Absolutely sickening...
"I guess it's just the two of us, then." Ed spoke up, staring levelly into your navy eyes.
"I guess it is." You replied, staring evenly back at him.
"So...what happened?" Ed asked, shifting forwards slightly. You sighed, preparing to launch a long, detailed story, when the most unexpected person came to your rescue.
"Saaaya-chaaan, you're back!!! Elicia missed you!!! See, look at how much she's grown! Isn't she just the cutest little chocolate-covered cherry you've ever seen?!" The familiar voice of Maes Hughes squealed, as his hand thrust a picture of Elicia in your face. For a second, you pretended to actually look at the picture, but then...It got boring.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Although it's a little strange to be describing your child by means of food..." you added, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Usually he described her as a "fluffy little cupcake", or an " absolutely adorable apple pie" (which was a weird alliteration anyway...)
"Weeeell, I decided that since she's growing up to be such a fine young woman, I'd use something more...aesthetically pleasing than cake or pie." he explained, making an hourglass shape with his hands to try and illustrate what he was saying. Your stare only grew more disgusted, however.
"That's just sick. You sick, sick man. And you do realize your daughter is only THREE YEARS OLD?!?!" You shouted in his face, trying to get him to show a little decency for once. These days he was almost as bad as your ultra-perverted brother, and the über-perverted Isei...
"Yeah, but I'm starting to think of her future more these days, you know? She's already grown up so much..." He sniffled, almost-unrealistic tears pouring down his face.
You sighed, exhaustion washing over you. In fact, you couldn't remember the last time you'd taken a good, long nap...
Dodging around Hughes as he tried to barrage you with more pictures (Ed following close behind you); you made a run for Roy's office. Sure, you'd just seen him, but there were a few things you wanted to...discuss with him, before you retired for the day. Your boots made the same clacking noise they always did as you ran. However, fortunately for Ed, you were choosing not to get so easily annoyed by the sound today.
“ROY!!!” You yelled, bursting into his office. The door slammed loudly against the wall.
“Calm down, Saya-chan, you—“
“WHO’RE YOU CALLING ‘SAYA-CHAN’, YOU BRAINLESS IMBECILE!!! I’LL TEACH YOU A—“
“Again, calm down. Here’s your new case. Have fun…oh, and Ed will be joining you on this one…Of course, that has nothing to do with me!” Roy beamed cheerfully, throwing a thin file at your hands. Which were currently glued to your side.
The file bounced off of you and floated to the floor, only one paper falling out. You eyed it suspiciously before bending over and snatching it up. It read like this:

Saya-chan,
Someone’s been killing ducks in a rich higher-up’s pond. Find the perpetrator and fine him, please. Also, take Ed with you.

From Your Beloved Older Brother (whom you do not wish to maim J),
Colonel Roy Mustang (whom you do not wish to maim J)

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! ROY!!!! COME GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, YOU WORTHLESS, LAZY-I love you IDIOT!!!!”


Chapter 15
Recap: “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! ROY!!!! COME GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, YOU WORTHLESS, LAZY-I love you IDIOT!!!!”

Roy wasn't actually in the hospital for his various injuries...all inflicted by you. But of course, that's because they were all in his head. You'd found that mentally traumatizing him worked miracles on his atrocious behavior.
"Um, General, about the Colonel--"
"What?!" You snapped, interrupting Shun. He jolted, growing even more nervous. He had a right to be, of course; you'd been blowing up at people all day.
"Well...Riza-san asked me to ask you to please stop mentally decapitating him...so he can do his paperwork properly, instead of just curling up in a dark corner...She's worried about the forty-five stacks that're still undone...A-also, um, General, you kind of have just, well, um--"
"Spit it out already, Shun!" You growled, elbowing him in the ribs. He flinched slightly, still terrified of your wrath, but went on regardless,
"YouhavepaperworktooactuallyalotmorethanRoysoIwasjustwondering--"
"SHUN!!! SPEAK CLEARLY BEFORE I TAKE ONE OF THOSE FANCY GUNS OF YOURS AND SHOOT YOU WITH IT!!!" Unfortunately, before Shun could speak (and also before you could fufill your oath to shoot him), you arrived in front of your office, and opened the door.
Literal mountains of paperwork flooded into the hall, sweeping both you and your bodyguard off your feet. Actually, it was more like sandwiching you between paperwork and the ceiling. Well, now you were pretty sure you knew what he was trying to say...Roy's habits were inherited. And you, as his younger sibling, had inherited them as well. This kind of procrastination went beyond mere bones...it was instilled within your DNA, deep in each cell of your body! Or something!
You opened your mouth to say something, though you had no idea what, only to find that Shun was nowhere to be found. "Shun...?" You questioned the air. No answer. "Shun!" You called again, a little louder. Okay, you were starting to get more than a little concerned...what if...What if Shun was dead?! Suffocated by the flood of papers, caused in part by...you! Oh no...when they found his corpse under all this paperwork, they'd know you'd inadvertedly killed him! Even if it was an accident, you were still guilty of murder! Not only would they fire you, they'd also strip you of your state alchemist title! You'd be a huge scandal, and, worse, you'd have to rely on...Roy for your income! Who knew how he'd manipulate you if he had that kind of power?! Not to mention...the very worst problem that would likely ensue. That...monstrosity of a midget state-alchemist would take over your case, and possibly your position!! You had to do something! But what?! Oh!
"I have to hide the evidence! And if anyone asks why there's a bonfire in the middle of my office, I'll just blame it on the midget! Yeah, blame it on the midget..." You thought aloud, nodding hastily to yourself.
"Uh...General, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still alive. You can't use my dead corpse as an excuse to burn your paperwork and get Fullmetal fired, I'm afraid." Shun's voice interrupted your scheming. I love you, he had to go and spoil all the fun! And you'd been so close, too...
"How is it that you're always able to decipher my ulterior motives? I swear, finding a way to dispose of my paperwork used to be so much more fun! Now, it's almost bothersome! Stupid Shun!" You whined, sticking your tongue out at him in a childish manner.
"What's this about you trying to get rid of paperwork? Why, my darling General, I thought you were some sort of OCD work-a-holic!" The snide, annoying voice of Fullmetal taunted as he strolled over to the scene of the crime. You began to sweat profusely...there was a witness! Of course, the work-a-holic part was completely untrue. The only reason you never left your office was because of the Queen-size pull-out mattress under your desk and the library you'd built underneath the office. When it came to paperwork, you were just like your brother...except for one little thing. Dearest Shun could perfectly forge your handwriting (along with your signature), and since he was so beautifully loyal to you, he did all of your paperwork in record time.
"Shut up! You work for me now, and I'll use Shun on you if you ever tell anyone what you just heard!" You threatened him, shoving Shun in his direction. He shot a glare your way, but you ignored it, continuging to hide behind him. Meanwhile, your mind was racing to find a way to get rid of this unnaturally short witness...thoughts of the pyre of paperwork you'd been dreaming of resurfaced...with a new body at the bottom. Hopefully the heathen gods wouldn't mind such a small sacrifice.
"Stop doing that!" Ed snapped, crossing his arms angrily with an equally furious expression on his face.
"Huh? What're you talking about?" You asked, feigning innocence. In all actuality, you were pretty sure you knew exactly what he was refering to.
"For the thousandth, possibly millionth time, stop. Calling. Me. SHORT!!!!" The entire building heard him; of that you were certain. Even you heard him, despite your ears being covered by both your and Shun's hands (against his will). 'Course, Shun's ears had, in effect, been sacrificed...he was still kind of reeling from the impact.
"S'okay, Shun, it'll feel better soon...and if it doesn't, Roy will be happy to pay for your medical bills!" You beamed up at him. Then, still grinning at the problems you were causing for your brother (namely using your authority to take money from him), you peeked out from behind Shun to look at Ed. Your expression instantly turned somber. "As for you...I didn't call you short, dumbass!" You growled, sounding tired and annoyed. Inwardly, though, you were laughing hysterically at Shun's reaction to your sudden mood change...basically, you were ceasing to be interested in Ed. But if he knew that, he'd never stop bugging you...
"You're forgetting that assignment...B...b...B-BrigadierGeneralMustang." He muttered, apparently having a hard time with your official title. Heh heh. Power could be such a wonderful thing...Granting you control of not only Roy and Shun, but Fullmetal as well! Hm...Maybe you should try convincing Isei to join the military!
"Oh, you mean the duck-poaching thing? Yeah, yeah, I--"
"Huh? That's not our assignment. I thought you were taking over the Scar case...?" He questioned, rather bluntly. Wha...? So Roy...It was decided, then. Mental trauma just wasn't enough for him...Well, well, right when you thought you were done paying your way through hospital bills...
"I am! Jeez...So you came here to tell me we're going now, right?" You asked, hoping his reasons were that simple. Today was a nice, clear day, after all. Not a cloud in the sky...
"No. Tomorrow. See 'ya!" Hmph. Now he was in a good mood. Did everyone in this military find great happiness in your suffering?!
"Actually, my life is much easier when you're happy. Like sometimes, when you're practically euphoric about something, you actually do some of the paperwork!" Shun piped up, sensing your thoughts.
"Shun."
"Y...yeah...?"
"Never. Speak. Again."
"O-okay..."
"And Shun?"
"Y-yeah?"
"I'm leaving all this paperwork to you. Have it done by tomorrow."
Shun's wails of sorrow echoed through the halls as you walked away, snickering to yourself. Shun would be learning his lesson the hard way. As for you...Well, looked like you had some free--
"Owww!" You cried out, falling onto your butt. Okay, who the hell thought they could go around knocking you o...ver...? "Ehhh?! Fullmetal! I thought you were working! Now help me up!" You ordered him, scowling furiously. Of course he'd be the one you'd have to run into...
Ed outright ignored you, continuing to walk in the direction he was headed when he ran into you. That little…
“I’M NOT SHORT!” He shouted back at you, not stopping for a moment. Something was up with him…See, this was the kind of situation you needed Shun for. He knew all that reading-emotions crap…
You decided to follow Ed; perhaps if you caught up with him, you could knock some sense into that tiny little brain of his! Yeah…beat ‘im senseless, that was the way to go! Wait…that was a little contradictory…and Ed was getting further and further away whilst you fantasized about…well, they were some very, ah, violent fantasies…haha…
“A-Al!! Where the heck have you be…en….” So Ed was looking for Al…no wonder he was so rude! The nerve, leaving a lovely young lady like yourself on the…floor…No way…
“It’s you!” You exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the scene before you.
“Nice ta’ see ‘ya again, Saya-chan!” The extremely familiar girl greeted you, tucking a piece of white-blond hair behind her ear. Your mouth was still wide open, and you began to fear it would never close again. Because there, standing on Ed’s back, was Victoria Mustang. Your cousin.


Chapter 16
Recap: Because there, standing on Ed’s back, was Victoria Mustang. Your cousin.

“Victoria…IT’S SO NICE TO SEE YOU!!! ESCPECIALLY SINCE YOU’RE STANDING ON FULLMETAL!!!” You beamed, flying at your long-lost cousin. However, your hug was intercepted by a much-less-welcome relative.
“OH, MY LITTLE SAYA-CHAN! SO YOU’VE FINALLY DECIDED TO EMBRACE YOUR PURE, UNDILUTED FEELINGS FOR YOUR BELOVED OLDER BROTHER!!!” Roy cried out gleefully, crocodile tears of joy streaming down his face. After calmly bitch-slapping him across the face, you push him aside, choosing instead to resume hugging Victoria. The two of you embraced for a while, both standing firmly atop Ed, ignoring his pleas for mercy.
“Saya…I think we’re killing your pet shrimp…maybe we should get off now, and go climb the suit of armor instead. I’ve always wanted to do that!” She suggested, glancing over at Alphonse with a strange gleam in her jade eyes…
“No! S-stay back!” Alphonse warned, his voice quivering with fear. So they’d already met…The cat in his arms mirrored Al’s fear, most likely afraid it would get stuffed in his armor while he ran…That was not an experience the little orange tabby wanted to relive.
“Saya, you can play with the shrimp, I’m gonna try and jump this armor guy~!” She shrieked, more excited than you’d anticipated. Well, looked like Al had an admirer…or maybe she was just after the cat… “KITTYYYY~!!!” Yep, definitely the cat.
“I don’t think it’s safe to let her run wild like that…It’s like letting a rabid squirrel loose on a herd of unsuspecting bunnies…” Ed muttered, wincing as he held his back like an old man. He certainly was short enough to pull it off…”I RESENT THAT!” I love you psychic…
“Oi, Roy, what’ve you been feeding that monster? Judging by the way she’s flipping out…I’d say candy. Maybe…coffee?” Your eyes twinkled evilly as Roy trembled with fright.
“N-no, of c-course not…” He stammered, slowly backing away from you.
“Oh really…”
“Okay, I admit it, I might have given her just a little…Please don’t kill me!” He begged, rather pathetically. Your judgment was already dealt, however, and there was nothing he could do to change your decision.
“Half of your pay-check, now. It’ll take at least that much to clean up after her…” You added, scowling at the mess you could already visualize. Money, slipping down the drain…yet again. In addition to the stupid hospital bills! Augh!!
“Aaaah! Someone save me!!!” The voice of Havoc could be heard screaming, an explosion ensuing…
“Money…” You murmured woefully, smacking your forehead in exasperation.
An Hour Later…
“What have I told you about blowing up military buildings?! This is Central HQ. You can’t…blow up Central HQ. It just isn’t done. Ever.” You snarled, jabbing your index finger in the bored face of your cousin.
“Pfft…It wasn’t me…It was the coffee! Blame that I love you coffee machine for making so much! It just kept coming…so I had to stop it with my mouth~! There was nothing else available!” She protested, waving her hand in the general direction of the coffee machine. You glared at it for a moment, then turned back to her. But she was gone…
“You’ll find her next door, I think, at the hospital. She said something about Roy…” Shun mused, staring off into the distance…at the coffee machine…
“Stop slacking off. Go find new paperwork. Go. Now. AND YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED TO THAT COFFEE MACHINE, SO QUIT STARING AT IT LIKE IT’S YOUR LONG-LOST LOVER, DUMBASS!” You snapped, pushing him out the door. Before it closed, you saw him wandering around like a lost lamb, running into a wall here and there…maybe you should let him take a break, before he went insane…”UH, SHUN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK!!” You shouted through the door. His reaction came instantly…the sound of shattering glass could be heard, and several swears that sounded like he was regretting that decision, but also happy about it at the same time…?
You sneaked out the door and over to the now-shattered window, cautiously peeking out. Even if you were in the military, gory scenes weren’t exactly partial to you…or vice versa…
The sight caused you to blink a few times, utter disbelief washing over you. Victoria of all people was helping him up, a strange, unfamiliar look on her face. Ewwww….And no, it wasn’t the blood Shun was currently bathed in that was grossing you out. Just the whole…Victoria thing…weird…
“Huh? Sayaka? I didn’t know we shared a love for staring at young couples through shattered windows!” Roy said sarcastically, sauntering over to you. He looked, surprisingly, intact. Not a scratch…
“Envy. Nice to see you again, my favorite little bisexual palm tree!” You greeted the strange-looking homunculus. Victoria was healing Shun up, some kind of jacked-up alchemy…Really, what’s the use of healing with a technique that s’posed to electrocute people?!

Victoria’s POV (as a side-note, all of Saya’s relatives are in second person)
You stared lovingly at the dreamy red-head lying on the ground in front of you…oh, the hotness of said guy in pain…as you leaned over him, tending his wounds…what a romantic situation…
Never did it occur to you to look up.

Your POV
“Get outta my way!! Chaaa~!” You shouted at Envy, as you shot another bolt of lightning his way. He dodged it with ease, further agitating you.
“Aw, and here I thought we’d have a nice, heart-felt little chat before we got down to grown-up business!” He smirked, ever the cheeky little brat.
“Hell. No.” The now-miraculously recovered Shun stated as he reached for a gun. His hand came up empty. “AAAAAH!!!! IT’S GONE!!!” He screamed, falling to the floor in a puddle of tears.
“G’night.” Envy went flying through the wall, his assailant’s leg still poised to kick. A bead of sweat rolled down your face as you nervously awaited for the dust to clear. Who…? “Saya-neechan, you should really be more careful! You know how those genderless freaks are, they only attack when your bodyguard’s down!” The attacker scolded you. So that’s where she went…
“Don’t you guys ever clean up?! Everywhere I go, the walls are missing and there are piles of building all over the place! It’s just plain unsanitary!” The snide, obnoxious voice of none other than Winry Rockbell sneered, sending a death glare your way.

[quote="Sara-Alysse13666"]Chapter 14
Recap: There were no screams, no cries of pain, nor even the smell of burning flesh. Only the birds, their chirping growing louder and more urgent as seconds passed by, then minutes, until they finally flew away, possibly scared off by your assailant. But the question still remained...who was attacking you in the first place?!

“Show yourself, fiend!” you shouted at the empty space before you, searching for signs of life. A twig snapped behind you, causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. “What the he—“ A hand clamped tightly over your mouth, silencing you.
“It’s just me, Brigadier General.” Shun’s voice reached your ears as the hand left your mouth. You sighed, relief flooding through you.
“Don’t scare me like that!” you snapped, pulling away from him. Shun grinned in response, patting you on the back.
"Nice try, though, ya' almost electrocuted your favorite bodyguard, General!" he chuckled, continuing to pat you on the back. You glared at him. And glared. And continued to glare. "Okay, okay, I get the idea!" he said, hastily removing his hand.
"This is ridiculous. Can't a single one of you actually pretend like you were concerned for my well-being?!" you growled, throwing your hands up in a gesture of frustration.
"I really was worried, little Saya-cha--"
"Shut up, Roy." You barked, kicking him in the face (and most likely breaking his nose) when he tried to theatrically embrace you (basically flying at you like some sort of missile).
"You're so abusive, especially to me and both Nagana-sans..." he whimpered, clinging to your leg like a lost child. Or a pleading, annoying, utterly spoiled brat.
"Huh? But Musta--I mean, Roy, you barely know my brother. What're you--"
"I'm right here, Shun-kun. Aw, that sounds so cute! My adorable little brother, that's what you are!" Isei cooed, making his way with arms outstretched towards Shun. Who promptly ducked out of the way.
“You’re really a disgusting lowlife, ya’ know that?” Shun grumbled, nudging his fallen brother with the tip of his steel-toed boot.
"Enough with the family reunions already. I'm ready to get back to work...hopefully they won't count this little incident as vacation time..." By the time your words trailed off, you were just speaking your thoughts aloud. But it was truly a very disturbing thought...you never took vacations. Never. All your vacation days wasted, in one little kidnapping...the thought was enough to make you shudder violently.
"Chill, Sayaka. They may be idiots, but the military higher-ups...well, the Fuhrer doesn't take vacation time away from you because of a kidnapping. Besides, you don't actually take time off, so why're you so worried? I'd suggest you take a little time to recover, too." Isei advised, rising from the ground. He dusted himself off without seeming to realize what he was doing. Apparently, he fell down a lot...and probably at the hands of Shun...
"Whatever. Roy, how'd you get here?" you asked him, sauntering over to where he was standing. Roy eyed you rather nervously, but answered anyway.
"A c-car..." he stammered, twitching slightly. You nodded with satisfaction; this way, you could take a nap on the way back. Without stopping to think things over or converse with your comrades, you grabbed Roy by the back of his shirt, and dragged him in the opposite direction (from where you'd been headed earlier). Shun and Isei watched you grow smaller and smaller as you traveled further away from them, until, each shaking his head, they followed steadily after you.

Havoc's POV
I waited impatiently for the Colonel to return, pacing back and forth endlessly. What could be taking him so long?! Well, saving his little sister for one...but why was it taking so long?! I was about to die of anxiety, waiting and waiting for that stupid Colonel...
"Hey, Havoc! What're you walking in circles like that for?" Ed called out to me, his younger brother Alphonse walking at his side. I glanced over at him for a moment, then returned to my pacing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a frustrated expression on his face. Apparently, he really wanted an answer...
"Oh! Hey Havoc! And you too...Fullmetal." an oddly cheerful Sayaka greeted us. Roy, Shun, and some guy I didn't know were by her side. Well, it was about time they got back!
"Where on earth have you guys been?! I've been worried sick!" I exploded out of no where; in fact, it was so sudden my poor cigarette fell out of my mouth, for the first time in years. Distracted, I hastily searched for a new one to replace it. But the only pack I had on me...was empty. "Nooo!" I wailed, completely forgetting my agitation at the foursome. I had to replace it immediately!

Your POV
Havoc ran off to find a new cigarette, leaving your group alone with Ed. Eventually, it was only you and Ed, after the other three each made random excuses meant to give you two some "alone time". Absolutely sickening...
"I guess it's just the two of us, then." Ed spoke up, staring levelly into your navy eyes.
"I guess it is." You replied, staring evenly back at him.
"So...what happened?" Ed asked, shifting forwards slightly. You sighed, preparing to launch a long, detailed story, when the most unexpected person came to your rescue.
"Saaaya-chaaan, you're back!!! Elicia missed you!!! See, look at how much she's grown! Isn't she just the cutest little chocolate-covered cherry you've ever seen?!" The familiar voice of Maes Hughes squealed, as his hand thrust a picture of Elicia in your face. For a second, you pretended to actually look at the picture, but then...It got boring.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Although it's a little strange to be describing your child by means of food..." you added, raising an eyebrow questioningly. Usually he described her as a "fluffy little cupcake", or an " absolutely adorable apple pie" (which was a weird alliteration anyway...)
"Weeeell, I decided that since she's growing up to be such a fine young woman, I'd use something more...aesthetically pleasing than cake or pie." he explained, making an hourglass shape with his hands to try and illustrate what he was saying. Your stare only grew more disgusted, however.
"That's just sick. You sick, sick man. And you do realize your daughter is only THREE YEARS OLD?!?!" You shouted in his face, trying to get him to show a little decency for once. These days he was almost as bad as your ultra-perverted brother, and the über-perverted Isei...
"Yeah, but I'm starting to think of her future more these days, you know? She's already grown up so much..." He sniffled, almost-unrealistic tears pouring down his face.
You sighed, exhaustion washing over you. In fact, you couldn't remember the last time you'd taken a good, long nap...
Dodging around Hughes as he tried to barrage you with more pictures (Ed following close behind you); you made a run for Roy's office. Sure, you'd just seen him, but there were a few things you wanted to...discuss with him, before you retired for the day. Your boots made the same clacking noise they always did as you ran. However, fortunately for Ed, you were choosing not to get so easily annoyed by the sound today.
“ROY!!!” You yelled, bursting into his office. The door slammed loudly against the wall.
“Calm down, Saya-chan, you—“
“WHO’RE YOU CALLING ‘SAYA-CHAN’, YOU BRAINLESS IMBECILE!!! I’LL TEACH YOU A—“
“Again, calm down. Here’s your new case. Have fun…oh, and Ed will be joining you on this one…Of course, that has nothing to do with me!” Roy beamed cheerfully, throwing a thin file at your hands. Which were currently glued to your side.
The file bounced off of you and floated to the floor, only one paper falling out. You eyed it suspiciously before bending over and snatching it up. It read like this:

Saya-chan,
Someone’s been killing ducks in a rich higher-up’s pond. Find the perpetrator and fine him, please. Also, take Ed with you.

From Your Beloved Older Brother (whom you do not wish to maim J),
Colonel Roy Mustang (whom you do not wish to maim J)

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! ROY!!!! COME GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, YOU WORTHLESS, LAZY-I love you IDIOT!!!!”


Chapter 15
Recap: “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! ROY!!!! COME GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, YOU WORTHLESS, LAZY-I love you IDIOT!!!!”

Roy wasn't actually in the hospital for his various injuries...all inflicted by you. But of course, that's because they were all in his head. You'd found that mentally traumatizing him worked miracles on his atrocious behavior.
"Um, General, about the Colonel--"
"What?!" You snapped, interrupting Shun. He jolted, growing even more nervous. He had a right to be, of course; you'd been blowing up at people all day.
"Well...Riza-san asked me to ask you to please stop mentally decapitating him...so he can do his paperwork properly, instead of just curling up in a dark corner...She's worried about the forty-five stacks that're still undone...A-also, um, General, you kind of have just, well, um--"
"Spit it out already, Shun!" You growled, elbowing him in the ribs. He flinched slightly, still terrified of your wrath, but went on regardless,
"YouhavepaperworktooactuallyalotmorethanRoysoIwasjustwondering--"
"SHUN!!! SPEAK CLEARLY BEFORE I TAKE ONE OF THOSE FANCY GUNS OF YOURS AND SHOOT YOU WITH IT!!!" Unfortunately, before Shun could speak (and also before you could fufill your oath to shoot him), you arrived in front of your office, and opened the door.
Literal mountains of paperwork flooded into the hall, sweeping both you and your bodyguard off your feet. Actually, it was more like sandwiching you between paperwork and the ceiling. Well, now you were pretty sure you knew what he was trying to say...Roy's habits were inherited. And you, as his younger sibling, had inherited them as well. This kind of procrastination went beyond mere bones...it was instilled within your DNA, deep in each cell of your body! Or something!
You opened your mouth to say something, though you had no idea what, only to find that Shun was nowhere to be found. "Shun...?" You questioned the air. No answer. "Shun!" You called again, a little louder. Okay, you were starting to get more than a little concerned...what if...What if Shun was dead?! Suffocated by the flood of papers, caused in part by...you! Oh no...when they found his corpse under all this paperwork, they'd know you'd inadvertedly killed him! Even if it was an accident, you were still guilty of murder! Not only would they fire you, they'd also strip you of your state alchemist title! You'd be a huge scandal, and, worse, you'd have to rely on...Roy for your income! Who knew how he'd manipulate you if he had that kind of power?! Not to mention...the very worst problem that would likely ensue. That...monstrosity of a midget state-alchemist would take over your case, and possibly your position!! You had to do something! But what?! Oh!
"I have to hide the evidence! And if anyone asks why there's a bonfire in the middle of my office, I'll just blame it on the midget! Yeah, blame it on the midget..." You thought aloud, nodding hastily to yourself.
"Uh...General, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still alive. You can't use my dead corpse as an excuse to burn your paperwork and get Fullmetal fired, I'm afraid." Shun's voice interrupted your scheming. I love you, he had to go and spoil all the fun! And you'd been so close, too...
"How is it that you're always able to decipher my ulterior motives? I swear, finding a way to dispose of my paperwork used to be so much more fun! Now, it's almost bothersome! Stupid Shun!" You whined, sticking your tongue out at him in a childish manner.
"What's this about you trying to get rid of paperwork? Why, my darling General, I thought you were some sort of OCD work-a-holic!" The snide, annoying voice of Fullmetal taunted as he strolled over to the scene of the crime. You began to sweat profusely...there was a witness! Of course, the work-a-holic part was completely untrue. The only reason you never left your office was because of the Queen-size pull-out mattress under your desk and the library you'd built underneath the office. When it came to paperwork, you were just like your brother...except for one little thing. Dearest Shun could perfectly forge your handwriting (along with your signature), and since he was so beautifully loyal to you, he did all of your paperwork in record time.
"Shut up! You work for me now, and I'll use Shun on you if you ever tell anyone what you just heard!" You threatened him, shoving Shun in his direction. He shot a glare your way, but you ignored it, continuging to hide behind him. Meanwhile, your mind was racing to find a way to get rid of this unnaturally short witness...thoughts of the pyre of paperwork you'd been dreaming of resurfaced...with a new body at the bottom. Hopefully the heathen gods wouldn't mind such a small sacrifice.
"Stop doing that!" Ed snapped, crossing his arms angrily with an equally furious expression on his face.
"Huh? What're you talking about?" You asked, feigning innocence. In all actuality, you were pretty sure you knew exactly what he was refering to.
"For the thousandth, possibly millionth time, stop. Calling. Me. SHORT!!!!" The entire building heard him; of that you were certain. Even you heard him, despite your ears being covered by both your and Shun's hands (against his will). 'Course, Shun's ears had, in effect, been sacrificed...he was still kind of reeling from the impact.
"S'okay, Shun, it'll feel better soon...and if it doesn't, Roy will be happy to pay for your medical bills!" You beamed up at him. Then, still grinning at the problems you were causing for your brother (namely using your authority to take money from him), you peeked out from behind Shun to look at Ed. Your expression instantly turned somber. "As for you...I didn't call you short, dumbass!" You growled, sounding tired and annoyed. Inwardly, though, you were laughing hysterically at Shun's reaction to your sudden mood change...basically, you were ceasing to be interested in Ed. But if he knew that, he'd never stop bugging you...
"You're forgetting that assignment...B...b...B-BrigadierGeneralMustang." He muttered, apparently having a hard time with your official title. Heh heh. Power could be such a wonderful thing...Granting you control of not only Roy and Shun, but Fullmetal as well! Hm...Maybe you should try convincing Isei to join the military!
"Oh, you mean the duck-poaching thing? Yeah, yeah, I--"
"Huh? That's not our assignment. I thought you were taking over the Scar case...?" He questioned, rather bluntly. Wha...? So Roy...It was decided, then. Mental trauma just wasn't enough for him...Well, well, right when you thought you were done paying your way through hospital bills...
"I am! Jeez...So you came here to tell me we're going now, right?" You asked, hoping his reasons were that simple. Today was a nice, clear day, after all. Not a cloud in the sky...
"No. Tomorrow. See 'ya!" Hmph. Now he was in a good mood. Did everyone in this military find great happiness in your suffering?!
"Actually, my life is much easier when you're happy. Like sometimes, when you're practically euphoric about something, you actually do some of the paperwork!" Shun piped up, sensing your thoughts.
"Shun."
"Y...yeah...?"
"Never. Speak. Again."
"O-okay..."
"And Shun?"
"Y-yeah?"
"I'm leaving all this paperwork to you. Have it done by tomorrow."
Shun's wails of sorrow echoed through the halls as you walked away, snickering to yourself. Shun would be learning his lesson the hard way. As for you...Well, looked like you had some free--
"Owww!" You cried out, falling onto your butt. Okay, who the hell thought they could go around knocking you o...ver...? "Ehhh?! Fullmetal! I thought you were working! Now help me up!" You ordered him, scowling furiously. Of course he'd be the one you'd have to run into...
Ed outright ignored you, continuing to walk in the direction he was headed when he ran into you. That little…
“I’M NOT SHORT!” He shouted back at you, not stopping for a moment. Something was up with him…See, this was the kind of situation you needed Shun for. He knew all that reading-emotions crap…
You decided to follow Ed; perhaps if you caught up with him, you could knock some sense into that tiny little brain of his! Yeah…beat ‘im senseless, that was the way to go! Wait…that was a little contradictory…and Ed was getting further and further away whilst you fantasized about…well, they were some very, ah, violent fantasies…haha…
“A-Al!! Where the heck have you be…en….” So Ed was looking for Al…no wonder he was so rude! The nerve, leaving a lovely young lady like yourself on the…floor…No way…
“It’s you!” You exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the scene before you.
“Nice ta’ see ‘ya again, Saya-chan!” The extremely familiar girl greeted you, tucking a piece of white-blond hair behind her ear. Your mouth was still wide open, and you began to fear it would never close again. Because there, standing on Ed’s back, was Victoria Mustang. Your cousin.


Chapter 16
Recap: Because there, standing on Ed’s back, was Victoria Mustang. Your cousin.

“Victoria…IT’S SO NICE TO SEE YOU!!! ESCPECIALLY SINCE YOU’RE STANDING ON FULLMETAL!!!” You beamed, flying at your long-lost cousin. However, your hug was intercepted by a much-less-welcome relative.
“OH, MY LITTLE SAYA-CHAN! SO YOU’VE FINALLY DECIDED TO EMBRACE YOUR PURE, UNDILUTED FEELINGS FOR YOUR BELOVED OLDER BROTHER!!!” Roy cried out gleefully, crocodile tears of joy streaming down his face. After calmly bitch-slapping him across the face, you push him aside, choosing instead to resume hugging Victoria. The two of you embraced for a while, both standing firmly atop Ed, ignoring his pleas for mercy.
“Saya…I think we’re killing your pet shrimp…maybe we should get off now, and go climb the suit of armor instead. I’ve always wanted to do that!” She suggested, glancing over at Alphonse with a strange gleam in her jade eyes…
“No! S-stay back!” Alphonse warned, his voice quivering with fear. So they’d already met…The cat in his arms mirrored Al’s fear, most likely afraid it would get stuffed in his armor while he ran…That was not an experience the little orange tabby wanted to relive.
“Saya, you can play with the shrimp, I’m gonna try and jump this armor guy~!” She shrieked, more excited than you’d anticipated. Well, looked like Al had an admirer…or maybe she was just after the cat… “KITTYYYY~!!!” Yep, definitely the cat.
“I don’t think it’s safe to let her run wild like that…It’s like letting a rabid squirrel loose on a herd of unsuspecting bunnies…” Ed muttered, wincing as he held his back like an old man. He certainly was short enough to pull it off…”I RESENT THAT!” I love you psychic…
“Oi, Roy, what’ve you been feeding that monster? Judging by the way she’s flipping out…I’d say candy. Maybe…coffee?” Your eyes twinkled evilly as Roy trembled with fright.
“N-no, of c-course not…” He stammered, slowly backing away from you.
“Oh really…”
“Okay, I admit it, I might have given her just a little…Please don’t kill me!” He begged, rather pathetically. Your judgment was already dealt, however, and there was nothing he could do to change your decision.
“Half of your pay-check, now. It’ll take at least that much to clean up after her…” You added, scowling at the mess you could already visualize. Money, slipping down the drain…yet again. In addition to the stupid hospital bills! Augh!!
“Aaaah! Someone save me!!!” The voice of Havoc could be heard screaming, an explosion ensuing…
“Money…” You murmured woefully, smacking your forehead in exasperation.
An Hour Later…
“What have I told you about blowing up military buildings?! This is Central HQ. You can’t…blow up Central HQ. It just isn’t done. Ever.” You snarled, jabbing your index finger in the bored face of your cousin.
“Pfft…It wasn’t me…It was the coffee! Blame that I love you coffee machine for making so much! It just kept coming…so I had to stop it with my mouth~! There was nothing else available!” She protested, waving her hand in the general direction of the coffee machine. You glared at it for a moment, then turned back to her. But she was gone…
“You’ll find her next door, I think, at the hospital. She said something about Roy…” Shun mused, staring off into the distance…at the coffee machine…
“Stop slacking off. Go find new paperwork. Go. Now. AND YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED TO THAT COFFEE MACHINE, SO QUIT STARING AT IT LIKE IT’S YOUR LONG-LOST LOVER, DUMBASS!” You snapped, pushing him out the door. Before it closed, you saw him wandering around like a lost lamb, running into a wall here and there…maybe you should let him take a break, before he went insane…”UH, SHUN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK!!” You shouted through the door. His reaction came instantly…the sound of shattering glass could be heard, and several swears that sounded like he was regretting that decision, but also happy about it at the same time…?
You sneaked out the door and over to the now-shattered window, cautiously peeking out. Even if you were in the military, gory scenes weren’t exactly partial to you…or vice versa…
The sight caused you to blink a few times, utter disbelief washing over you. Victoria of all people was helping him up, a strange, unfamiliar look on her face. Ewwww….And no, it wasn’t the blood Shun was currently bathed in that was grossing you out. Just the whole…Victoria thing…weird…
“Huh? Sayaka? I didn’t know we shared a love for staring at young couples through shattered windows!” Roy said sarcastically, sauntering over to you. He looked, surprisingly, intact. Not a scratch…
“Envy. Nice to see you again, my favorite little bisexual palm tree!” You greeted the strange-looking homunculus. Victoria was healing Shun up, some kind of jacked-up alchemy…Really, what’s the use of healing with a technique that s’posed to electrocute people?!

Victoria’s POV (as a side-note, all of Saya’s relatives are in second person)
You stared lovingly at the dreamy red-head lying on the ground in front of you…oh, the hotness of said guy in pain…as you leaned over him, tending his wounds…what a romantic situation…
Never did it occur to you to look up.

Your POV
“Get outta my way!! Chaaa~!” You shouted at Envy, as you shot another bolt of lightning his way. He dodged it with ease, further agitating you.
“Aw, and here I thought we’d have a nice, heart-felt little chat before we got down to grown-up business!” He smirked, ever the cheeky little brat.
“Hell. No.” The now-miraculously recovered Shun stated as he reached for a gun. His hand came up empty. “AAAAAH!!!! IT’S GONE!!!” He screamed, falling to the floor in a puddle of tears.
“G’night.” Envy went flying through the wall, his assailant’s leg still poised to kick. A bead of sweat rolled down your face as you nervously awaited for the dust to clear. Who…? “Saya-neechan, you should really be more careful! You know how those genderless freaks are, they only attack when your bodyguard’s down!” The attacker scolded you. So that’s where she went…
“Don’t you guys ever clean up?! Everywhere I go, the walls are missing and there are piles of building all over the place! It’s just plain unsanitary!” The snide, obnoxious voice of none other than Winry Rockbell sneered, sending a death glare your way.