Grieving For The Forgotten (an Ichigo Kurosaki story) Prologue

Name: Yuancià Jeagerjaques (Yui)/Yuancía
Hair Color: Metallic Silver
Eye Color: Neon Green
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 136 Ib.
Birthday: December 31st
Prologue

I hate the sun. I hate it with every fiber of my existence. There are many of us, in this land where the sun never shines, who crave it. They desire the warmth and sense of fufillment that its rays supposedly bring. But I prefer the cold, piercing feeling of our never-ending moonlight. Because, inside the great dome of Los Noches, that foul, artificial sun shines the brightest, lighting up the illusion of a blue sky. I hate that place too, even though it is one of my very few memories. For weeks on end I have sought out this place, hoping to have the rest of my memories restored, but to no avail. I still cannot see anything but this painful light, even in the darkness of my mind.


Well, I know it's short, but that's the prologue for my Ichigo Kurosaki story...Yes it's a fanfiction! But because Grimmjow has such a foul mouth...I'll just hafta bleep alot out...I mean, he's like, no holds barred! Anyway, Yui really speaks for me here....Down with the sun, that glares at me all the time...

bleeping sounds funny but is a good idea Luv and you have a intriging convo!

Hey Tobi! I'm here to review this, as you suggested! Now, I do like this beginning, but I think that the character is too stereotypical for an anime character. I mean, silver hair, unusual eyes, something weird about what they like and do. I suppose you could have made her a normal girl, but in hindsight, it's not a grabber lead. When you started it, you came out and just laid down the law. I hate the sun. I love the moon. I think it could use a little show-don't-tell work, and the moon could seem a little more homely to her. Cold piercing rays?That doesn't sound very likable. But anime usually isn't my style of reading. I do like, however, how you described the sun to her people. Warm and inviting, which is how I see it. Good job with that, keep it up!

Cheez

Thanx you~! Her people, the Arrancar, all have weird looks though. It's kinda normal for them...Her brother, Grimmjow, has a bright shock of wild blue hair, so I gave her green hair. Wait...she has green eyes and hair...Her hair isn't silver! Augh! Must fix...She likes the moon because it's cold and harsh, and, well, she's the same way. Her land, Hueco Mundo, has no sun, aside from a fake one in their ruler's palace, Las Noches.

~Tobi~