Introduction to How We Change

How do I go about setting down my story? Start at the beginning?

Ok. My name's Sirri, and I suppose the beginning would be Tora's vision.

"Easy does it." His head slipped under my belly and lifted. My paws shook a little
as I stood.

Pleased, Torah stepped back.

"That wasn't so bad," I said. "I think my leg's steadier today."

"So it is." We congratulated each other with a nod.

"C'n I tell Silver?"

My tutor laughed. "Only if you can walk that far."
**

"Sis!" Silver bounded over to meet me. "You're better!"

It's easy to see where she gets her name. Her coat is light gray
with faint tabby stripes; mine is cream with wider stripes.

We meshed our whiskers, a familiar greeting.

"So," she began, eyes sparkling, "would you like a grooming?"

"Yes please!"

I like it! I think, though, when you move on, you should tell about her clan and all the details of how and why her leg is messed up. Otherwise, well done!

Hm... where should I begin? (Problems/Praise/Tips)

Problems?
And there were some But very small ones
Is that very first line part of the story? Hope not. Because we're starting your story. And unless you're an elderly grandmother, there's really no need to tell us your story in the Once upon a time format. Trust me, it is similar.

Secondly "Tora righted one hind foot and stepped back." I dunno, I feel it's a bit unecessary. Because her head is udner her belly right? Right. So I imagine when she helps her she'd kind of wiggle out. I was already imagining and you distracted me by making me imagine this. Make sense?

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Praise:
"Short and sweet"
-- TheNewHero Post
A NewHero times #1 bestseller!

I l iked this mostly because you didn't need to pamper me with words and similes for me to like it. First line up your content, and then your grammar. And you did this. Nice.

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Tips:
Only one, keep it up!

Thanks Hero! I fixed the little bit about righting her leg.

Oh. In my first draft, I had Torah as a male: "My tutor slipped his head under my belly." *will fix that*

They're cats right? Anyway, I like the decsribing of the coat, the light gray with tabby strips and stuff. It really helped me imagine them. But what does Tora look like? What are their eye colors? Silver's brother/sister (the character nararating), which gender is it? I'm guessing a girl. Anyway, I guess its good, just not my type.

Are they wolves? I'm pretty sure... can you clear it up? And as for what's missing... the story! What happens? We're not in the character's head all through this. What is she/he thinking? Can you dive into the story a little more? I know it's only a part *?* of your first chapter, but straight away we want a story. We want showing, not telling.

Hope this helped,

Durr