Quiet, Quiet Preface

“Would you care to see your baby ma’am?”
“Yes, please.”
“It’s a girl.”
A tiny, wrapped bundle was handed to the new mother. A little face with gray eyes and a few wisps of golden hair shone out at her.
“She’s beautiful.”
“I agree ma’am. Shall I go?”
“Where’s my husband?”
The midwife stopped. “Ma’am?”
“My husband.” She repeated. “Where is he?”
The midwife went, sat on the bed and took the woman’s hand.
“They issued him into combat just ten hours ago, while you were asleep and he was going to the fields. News just arrived that-he was killed on the front.”
All joy, all happiness, left the woman’s life at that moment. Pain would be the only thing that she ever felt from then on.
“If you’d like-I’ll take the child home with me. Just for today, so that you can recover.”
“Keep her.” The dazed mother said. “But stay in town.”
And with that little Violet lost and found her true mother in just one day.

Wow, Luv. That's a pretty intersting book that you started. plus, I love the way that you made "All joy, all happiness, left the woman’s life at that moment." I think that was pretty clever. However, you could have put a bigger pause between "News just arrived that-he was killed on the front." I think that you should have put something a bit more like this " News just arrived, ma'am. Your husband, um.." "Please tell me where he is!" "He was killed. In battle. They came and got him this morning, when you were still asleep. I'm so sorry." See? I think that that would have been even better! Please don't take my critsim to hard!
-Rachelle41

Sorry for whoever has already posted and replied, but I just deleted this. It wasn't interesting enough. I want to write something with love and magic and it's not inspired by other books. I want to create something that makes your heart get ripped out of your chest not once, but a million times at every sad part. And at the end- I want to make your heart shatter into so many pieces that you won't be teh same person that you were before you read my book. Okay, maybe not changed for forever drastic, but still, like that. And this wasn't it! So, sorry. But if you voted B, then you won't care with your whole entire heart anyways.

Luv, Don't delete posts. You can't. You have to consult me. This post was fine, though it moved rather quickly