Little River

I care for this river
as if it were my own
Giving it this water
and staying here at home
but the river ,see
was getting big
and it wanted to run
so I guided it to a hill
one day
and that's were it begun
that river got so excited
that it couldn't stop it self
That river kept on running
faster than an elf
Then I soon could see
How much that little river
actually grew to be
I could no longer keep this river
I was foolish, yes I know
So I encouraged the big river,
and it started to grow,
Where is the big river now?
You would have to see
how big this river called the Nile actually grew to be!!

Okay.

I like this, you have a sweet idea and you've clearly worked hard on it. It almost represents the growth of a writer - we all start small, and build up as we go.

However... this still needs a lot more work. Your rhythm is a little strained, and you're trying too hard to make everything fit. A poem like this needs to flow like the river - think a little less, and let it come to you.

Enjambment would also work really well for this - that's when we don't put punctuation in a poem, which gives it a sense of being unbroken and entirely free.

Still, you have a great start here, and with work you can make something excellent of it.

Well done.

~Grin

I agree. You're trying to rythme too much. You can't really make it rythme, it has to come from you. And besides, some poems don't rythme. But I like it, the theme and everything. It's a wonderful poem.