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 Dancing With The Rain

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okipoki
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PostSubject: Dancing With The Rain   Fri Apr 09, 2010 11:43 pm

Twirling and whirling with the rain
Each tapping upon my shoulder
With hopes to cut-in and share a dance.
The music of them falling to the ground
Each hitting their own beautifully crafted notes
All choreographed to perfection
Creating the most beautiful noise human ears can absorb.
I feel famous with all of these lovely rain drops
Just dripping and dropping around me,
With me.
Together we dance on and on
Until they stop.
They leave me dreadfully drenched
In their wet tears of happiness.
I though am not happy.
My lovely rain dance partners left me
For a greater chance at dance.
Was I not delightful enough?
Not skilled or lovely enough
For them to dance with me
Forever?
No.
I mustn't think this way,
A way that only harms my heart.
I must let them free to be on their way
A way leading them into new joy
With other young girls delighted enough to be
Dancing with the rain.
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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Re: Dancing With The Rain   Tue Apr 13, 2010 7:17 pm

I like it Oki. In places it ryhmes, in some places it doesn't. Beautifully crafted. Very expressive. Deeply thought. Wonderfully written. Overall, its pretty good.
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okipoki
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PostSubject: Re: Dancing With The Rain   Wed Apr 14, 2010 4:40 pm

Thank you! I wasn't expecting anybody to like it all that much. I just had a lot on my mind as I wrote it. I think that gives it a deeper meaning than what's already there.
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