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 Please Don't Say Goodbye

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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Please Don't Say Goodbye   Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:31 pm

You go this way
I'll go that way,
and that way we won't cry.

You go this way
I'll go that way,
and please don't say goodbye.

Cause if you do,
I'll come running back to you
and I can't do that.
So lets go our
seperate paths.

You go this way
I'll go that way.
And please don't say
goodbye.
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Tobi-chan
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PostSubject: Re: Please Don't Say Goodbye   Mon Jan 16, 2012 1:29 am

Aww. This is so bittersweet - I hear it as a sort of child's plea, though I don't know if that was intended. It reminds me ever so slightly of "You are my Sunshine", in that it just sort of has its own tune. It also reminds me of Sherlock which makes me want to bawl like a baby.

I'm not so great on the poetry analysis... But I like the almost-rhyme scheme that's going on here, and the repetition. It gives it that sweet, longing lilt... Though I'm not really fond of the punctuation in stanza three. Do you think a semicolon would work instead of a period in the third line? The the capitalization of "So" is very appealing to the eye, but it could be kept anyway, I think. I'm not an expert! I make no such claims! That's just what I think. And I really like this poem. ;D

~Tobi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like thunder; powerful, confusing, wonderous, loud, inexplainable, sudden, beautiful in ways you can't even begin to describe, and completely unexpected. Death is like lightning; it strikes even the most powerful things, and shoots through the ground to everyone nearby, leaving them with only a painful aftershock.

Almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything.

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
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