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 Pain, Sorrow, Love, Life (Chapter One, Pain)

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Rachelle41
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PostSubject: Pain, Sorrow, Love, Life (Chapter One, Pain)   Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:25 pm

This was never going to happen to me. Ever. My life was perfect. I was thin, had straight blonde hair, baby blue eyes, rosebud lips and a thin nose. My parents pampered me as their only child, and they were happily together. I tried not to be a mean, preppy girl either. The cheerleaders annoyed me, too, and I tried to be nice to everyone. Behind closed curtains I was a real nerd, listening to Bach instead of Lady Gaga and reading Edgar Allan Poe instead of Harry Potter. I was part of Track and Field, so I stayed thin, and part of Student Government. But my proudest fact was my boyfriend, Aaron. He was the Running Back, and I devoutly went to every one of his games. If he was on the bench before half time, I would go down to the fence, to say hi and brighten his spirits. We would walk to our 4 classes together hand in hand, and he'd kiss me before I got out of his car when he would drive me home. Dates were frequently on Saturday nights, as Fridays were consumed by his football games. We would go and see a romantic comedy or mystery thriller. Sometimes I spent the night at his house afterward, if we got back late, texting my parents to let them know so they wouldn't freak. That's when "it" happened.
It had been a great week- good grades, with no football game Friday, meaning Aaron and I were free to spend the evening, and maybe night, together. He ran up to me at my locker.
"Hey baby. Do you want to come over to my house tonight and hang out?"
After closing my locker I wrapped my arms around him and pecked him on the cheek.
"You know I'd love too."
He grinned and took my backpack. Out in the car he grinned, not starting it immediately.
"You know, today is our 1st anniversary."
"I can't believe you remembered! I thought most guys didn't remember this type of stuff."
He kissed me, our lips barely touching for the smiles on our faces. "Well, I'm not most guys. And I got you a present."
My eyes went wide, and I gently took the small box from his hands. Opening it with great care, I found a diamond necklace hanging from a sterling silver chain. I was touched by his thoughtfulness.
"It's beautiful Aaron, thank you!" I swung my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. The drive home we listened over and over to what we called our song- “You’re Never Gonna Be Alone” by Nickleback.
At his house, we talked and watched whatever was on the television. I was as comfortable with his parents as I was with my own, and they welcomed me whenever I stayed. They had actually made a cake for our anniversary, and the evening was spent around the dinner table, trading stories.
I was in the guest room that night, snug in the blanket, when I heard a tapping on the door. Sitting up in the darkness, I whispered, “Come in.” It was Aaron, grinning with a finger to his lips. After closing the door he came over to me, and I let him slip under the covers. His body was warm, and I snuggled against his side, his arms around my waist and hand stroking the skin on my side. Before I knew it, he was kissing me, and I let him. I let him get on top of me, and our kissing soon turned into an intense make out session. I was almost blinded by the passion that ran through our kisses. However, I slowly began registering pressure between my legs. When I pulled away from his kisses to breathe, I realized pretty fast what he wanted. And as stupid as it sounds, I didn’t know what to do. And everything after that just happened so fast.
The morning was greeted with sunshine, and I was lucky that his parents weren’t up, because I never would have been able to look them in the eye. Aaron kissed me at breakfast, but my heart wasn’t in it. I felt sick, dirty, and defiantly shame and remorseful.
“You know we shouldn't have done it.” He looked up from his bowl of cereal when I said it.
“Why not? It was our anniversary, and I love you.” My heart beat faster at his words, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to believe him or not.
“Because it’s wrong, we’re just teenagers, I’m a junior, you’re a senior, I could be pregnant, we could get STD’s…”
“You’re smart, Caitlyn. You’re graduating a year early, with me. I don’t see why we couldn’t get married. And you couldn’t be pregnant, and I don’t carry any STD’s. And you were a virgin, so…”
I got up abruptly. “We are not going to talk about this. You…you didn’t even ask me! I just, I feel so dirty, and incomplete now. I’m sorry Aaron, we’re over.” Swinging my bag over my shoulder, he raced me to the door.
“What are you talking about? You didn’t resist, it’s not like you told me to stop. How can we be over?!”
I sidestepped him and went out the door, ignoring his shouts and pleas.
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AbbeyRoad
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PostSubject: Re: Pain, Sorrow, Love, Life (Chapter One, Pain)   Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:16 pm

Why does it seem that everyone on this site is infatuarted with 'strange' topics? You write about suicide, self harm, sex, teenage pregnancy...It's kind of scary. Although the story is well written, and I supose I liked it, there are a few points you could change. The girl-Catilyn, seems to perfect to begin with. No girl is perfect with everything- perfect face, perfect boyfriend, perfect grades, a perfect life. So maybe you could try to make it more realisitic, in a sense. The boy seems forced into the bad role, too. Him coming to her room, her saying he didn't ask, it makes him appear in a hrash light. And his life seems a little too perfect too- a hot girlfriend, good grades, great parents, staring role on a school sports team...So realism is an issue, and maybe blurring the lines of good and bad, who's evil and who's right. Anyway, good job!
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Rachelle41
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PostSubject: Re: Pain, Sorrow, Love, Life (Chapter One, Pain)   Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:55 pm

Thank you for the critique work, but here's my reasonings.
She's one of the girls that you're always jealous of. You know the type-pretty. smart, sometimes rich. But they're nice, so you can't hate them. I'm trying to make her appear like that, and I want to show how her life totally falls apart because of this one action. One of my themes is everything has consequences, and think before you act. Aaron was difficult to do, and I guess I do make him the bad guy. But I didn't want to make it look like she was easy or something, but she couldn't get raped, either. So I tried my best to picture something in between. I like you're idea about blurring the lines, though. It's just my opinion that boys don't really care- if you're a virgin, so what. If you've done it a thousand times, who cares. They care about looks and actions, not about feelings and thoughts. So, I hope that clears some stuff up, and let me know if I should contiue.
-Rachelle41
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