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ajk
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PostSubject: off to college   Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:45 pm

a smiling face,
a wave goodbye,
a rush of tears
fills my eyes.
I know you leave
to spread your wings
but leave behind
so many things.
call me often.
see you soon.
Hugs and kisses
to the moon.
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cheez_burger
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PostSubject: Re: off to college   Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:53 pm

Welcome to Wonderland, ajk! I have a few comments for your poem.

Quote :
I know you leave
To spread your wings
but leave behind
so many things

You used the word leave a little too much, and you might want to add a "you" between but and leave. Otherwise, you're a great poet! Post some more! I suggest you put a post in the Welcome Mat, too, and let us get to know some things about you!


Cheez elephant
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