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 On Boredom

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TheNewHero
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PostSubject: On Boredom   Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:45 pm

------

Dull Boy
Life wasn't dull,
But now life's dull, I'm a dull boy.
Poor intro, eh? Dull, eh?

What happened to the pastures green where green meant fun-scene?
To the skies so blue, where the blue split white as I shot past in delight?
Where did the stars of heaven go off to?
FAL homework? That's where I am, but I can't see them.

I'm blind in boredom so let's turn up the volume.

I get lost in sound, music, melody but inside there's something missing.

From the Christmas of 08
I'ma dull boy, not the same from the Christmas of 08...

End.
-------

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TheNewHero
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PostSubject: Reason for the Ender   Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:48 pm

The Christmas of 08 is when I began writing. I had this brilliant matric friend and we both loved science and everything. I was always on Facebook, everything was fine at home, I was happy, I was young, 12 years old... good times.
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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: For Writer Of 'On Boredom'   Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:13 pm

That wasn't the best poem I've ever heard. I've heard better, but if you keep going, I'm sure you'll get better. But that's just what I think, 'k. You expressed yourself in a creative way, in the way you wanted and thats all that matters. If you have fun and enjoyed it, then keep on doing it that way. Believe in yourself!
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Grin-with-Cheese
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PostSubject: Re: On Boredom   Tue Feb 23, 2010 9:45 am

Hey, I'm Grin.

You're trying to express boredom here, and as far as that goes, you've not done too badly. However, you've not got a style that will captivate the audience - that will take a long time to develop, but this is a good start.

Your poem itself is a little confusing. There's nothing wrong with having an underlying motive for writing this, but the poem needs to make sense to everyone, so that they don't have to understand the background to read it. Before I read your second post, the whole thing was very confusing. To make it better, you might want to try and reword it - exaggerate the good points of the Christmas of '08 and the bad points of now.

Other than that, you have a great start and although there's a long way to go, every writer starts somewhere. I can see you improving hugely over the next few years.

~Grin
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