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 The Future

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Posts : 269
WL Points : 19243
Join date : 2010-02-26
Age : 21
Location : Witts End.

PostSubject: The Future   Wed Feb 16, 2011 9:03 pm

Again, a poem I had to write for school, and I would really like some feedback before Friday.

We are young now
with the future
spread before us
like the ocean
unending, seemingly
beautiful and

We cannot see
what is too come
but our nerves
with expectations

The future is spread
before us
like the wings of
a bird
it dips and
glides, soaring
through the air
into the distance

We stand now
on the threshold
of dreams and
And we look into
the future, unknown
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Posts : 402
WL Points : 22004
Join date : 2010-02-22
Age : 21
Location : Atlanta, Geogria

PostSubject: Re: The Future   Tue Feb 22, 2011 6:31 pm

Its pretty good and I rather enjoyed reading it, but I suggest you put te word completely before unknown in the last line. I tuly do like it. I think you should flip flop your second and third stanza's. The second one relates better with the last one and the third better with the first. Just a suggestion though. Good job. You'll get a good grade for it.
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