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 These Silent Nights

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TheNewHero
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Join date : 2010-02-21
Location : South Africa

PostSubject: These Silent Nights   Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:01 pm

Our rollercoaster peaks,
On this New Year's Eve.
The fireworks light up the gloomy clouds.
The midnight sun is pink and purple.

Stay with me in this moment,
Before the first red breaks,
And the blue fills the sky.
As they rush to capture the image of what was,
With firework flash and finish.

Remind me of our love.
Of the petty flirtations,
And of those winter kisses,
The stupid dances and the silly phone calls.

Keep this moment,
Until the night is no longer clear,
And the storm brews,
Stay with me.

The rain comes down quick and fast,
Blurring that golden burst of light.
Lightning flashes from east to west.
Don't follow its rapid run.

Please talk to me and I'll humour you,
On the last,
Of our silent nights,
Together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you ever need a review, feel free to message me.
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TheNewHero
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Posts : 54
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Join date : 2010-02-21
Location : South Africa

PostSubject: RE: These Silent Nights   Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:02 pm

I'm worried the poem is horribly repetitive - do you think shorter = more potent?
What did this poem mean to you?
What do you think was the point and how does it relate to you?
Rhythm okay? Does it LOOK appealing?
I wrote this with the fear of growing up in mind, does that resonate with you whether a fear or past experience?
Thanks for reading,
TheNewHero.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you ever need a review, feel free to message me.
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Rachelle41
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PostSubject: Re: These Silent Nights   Wed Jan 05, 2011 6:05 pm

The first time I read your poem, I thought it was about love. ne of the last stanzas made me think about how some love doesn't last, ad you didn't want to lose a girl. Once I read your reply, I realized that yes, it is talking about wanting to stay in one moment forever, where there is happiness, hope, and pure amazment. I don't want to grow older, and reading this, I don't think anyone really wants too. They want the things that come with growing older, like cars and jobs and spouses. I don't think they actually wish to grow up. Once we do, we discover so much, but it is a fear like the unknown. Growing up, ageing, it is unknown to us. We do not know what to expect, and even with advice, life never really goesas planned. We fear it like we fear death. We know how someone can die, just as we know how someone grows up.( Well, not really how, but you do.) We expect it, but we do not want it, like presents on Christmas. We expect presents, but sometimes we don't know exactly what we're going to get. I like your poem. It looks good to the eye, and is pleasent to read. eep up the good work.
-Rachelle41 I love you
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