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 If I Never Learn to Love You- A Short Story

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Join date : 2010-02-22
Age : 21
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PostSubject: If I Never Learn to Love You- A Short Story   Mon Dec 27, 2010 8:09 pm

“I give you- King Jonathan and Queen Sarabeth!”
We turn, John beaming and me faking a beautiful smile as white as my wedding gown. Everyone in the church erupts into applause, old women wiping away tears and men clapping heartily. I see Mother’s pride shine through her eyes. At last I am rid of her. The only good side to this arranged marriage.
Not that John is not good. He is kind and helpful and understanding. All he wanted me to do was love him and when I told him that I just couldn’t, he smiled and said that was fine. But we’re still married, whether I love him or not. Hopefully we will grow to become great friends and have children. We’ll need children eventually, to take the throne, but friendship is first. We enjoy spending time together. Riding through the woods and grounds, walking through the gardens, talking over tea, all of it is fun and easy around him but I never wanted marriage. Not that our parents cared, of course.
“Dearest, did you hear me?”
I turn to him and he’s talking through clenched teeth. “What?”
“When they shout for us to kiss, bump my nose. Not hard, but enough to look like an accident.”
I hold back a laugh and when we’re on the front steps of the palace, the chants beginning. He takes my hand and puts his hand on the back of my neck, bringing me close slowly, as if to add to the suspense of the crowd. Then, right when our lips are close, I turn my head and out noses hit-gently.
“Ow!” He exclaims as if it were not gentle at all.
“Oh my.” I hold onto the end of my nose as if it were about to break off.
We look at each other and burst out laughing along with the crowd. We’re ushered inside for safety and immediately hold hands. That’s as far as our relationship goes-hugging and hand holding. Still, perhaps it will eventually give way to more. More is what Mother wants. More is also what our country needs. We’re shown to a beautiful room with a huge bed with a canopy that closes around us. The windows are tall with heavy, pretty drapes and thick carpets and a big stone balcony. Going out another door you come to a room with couches and chairs and a television. A giant closet is also connected to our room with two separated bathrooms-that are connected with only a sliding door. Perfection entirely.
“If I never learn to love you, I’m sorry.”
He squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry too.”

Hope you like it!
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PostSubject: Re: If I Never Learn to Love You- A Short Story   Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:23 pm

...HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS BEFORE?! So, like, I was jus' goin' through some of the older prose, and randomly (that's how I roll), I decided to read this...
What you have here, Luv, is a little piece of epic. In fact, it'd be totally cool if you wrote a sequel (even though this is supposed to be a short story, aha...). Well, the thought process doesn't flow as well as it could, so if that isn't intentional (I've done that before for mentally unstable characters...), try connecting the different thoughts more cohesively. The descriptions are very nice, though, particularly when you describe the room they enter. Was that a hint of sarcasm at the end there, or is that just me...?
The grammar is overall good, though, "I turn to him and he's talking through clenched teeth," would (to me) sound better if there were a few more words in there. Like, "I turn to face him, and see that he's talking through clenched teeth." O'course, I'm not very good at writing in present tense myself (kudos to you for writing it so masterfully!), so that could be totally wrong.
Oh, and there's a typo later on. "I turn my head and OUR noses hit-gently." XD It was "out"...A comma before "but" in "...all of it is fun and easy around him, but I never wanted marriage." Independent clauses and such. D; That stuff is so tiresome.
I love this plot. It has such potential for all kinds of drama and fun...Let's face it, royal families have got all kinds of angsty turmoil going on~! Oooo, the more I look at it, the spicier it gets! XD Totally brill, Luv.


Life is like thunder; powerful, confusing, wonderous, loud, inexplainable, sudden, beautiful in ways you can't even begin to describe, and completely unexpected. Death is like lightning; it strikes even the most powerful things, and shoots through the ground to everyone nearby, leaving them with only a painful aftershock.

Almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything.

Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
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