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 Out Of The Mists - Chapter 1

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Scarlett Fire
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PostSubject: Out Of The Mists - Chapter 1   Thu Dec 23, 2010 3:05 pm

Well, here it is. The story that goes with the poem "Prophecy". I'm still not sure what to call it, so the current title shall be the Working Title for now. Anyways, comment and enjoy.

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Chapter 1: Caught.

A dark figure ghosted across the roof of one building and leapt for the next roof, floating down to gently land on the second roof. The figure was a woman, her long hair plaited and reaching the round in her crouched position.

Shouting and the sounds of men fighting reached her and the woman shot to her feet, her long braid hitting her back as it settled. They were after her, her and the orb. She glanced down at her sword; Dark, murky green eyes roamed over it. The woman examined the sword for a long moment, watching the unsheathed blade glinting in the starlight. She had to move, and soon.

Twisting the sword so it lay flat against her back, the woman set off over the rooftops, jumping from one roof to the next and floating down gently. She kept a firm grip on her sword, and checked the pouch at her waist every time she stopped.

She reached the edge of the rooftops and gazed down at the large, open area before her, sword held out to her left. The area was lit by a serious of lamps; the paved area was clear of guards for the moment, but she should hear them getting closer.

“A courtyard,” she muttered. “Poopie it. Always ruins my plans.” With a snort of desertion, she returned her sword to the sheath on her back and check on the orb again, hiding in the shadows on the roof as a trio of men raced across the courtyard.

“This way!” called one man as he led the other two across the space just below her.

She waited until the men had passed, then straightened up and stepped up to the edge of the roof. Placing her feet about half a metre apart, she smiled and then just let herself fall forward.

Instead of falling two stories to the ground and seriously injuring herself, the woman just ran down the wall and onto the paved ground. She kept running, and was only halfway across when the arrow pierced her leg and drove her to the ground.

Crouched in the middle of the courtyard, she looked around frantically, ignoring the pain in her leg as she scanned the edges of the yard. She knew this courtyard; it was ringed by a serious of covered walkways and shojis that lead into rooms....that belonged to the city guards.

She swore, loudly and received another arrow to her shoulder. How had she managed to dump herself into the training courtyard of the city guards? The woman scowled; the man must have given her a fake map, or told her to how to read it wrong. She heard footsteps, and clutching her shoulder, turned towards the man now walking towards her.

“Who are you?” he called. “Where have you been tonight, and what have you stolen?”

“This is none of your business,” she hissed and tried to rise, but with an arrow lodged in her thigh, she couldn’t move.

“It is my business now, girl,” he snapped and reached forwards to rip away the cloth covering the woman’s face. She lashed out with a dagger, slicing a deep grove into his palm. The man hissed and reared back, regarding her. “I will say it again; who are you and what have you stolen?”

The woman refused to answer so the man half-turned away and called for the guards. Another man appeared out of the shadows; he carried a bow and was followed by several others. He joined the first man.

“What have you caught here, Basir,” he asked.

Basir chuckled and ripped a strip of clothe off his cloak and wrapped it around his hand. “What does it look like, Ryen?”

The second man, Ryen, laughed. “A little thief,” he said.

Basir and Ryen exchanged a sly glance and Ryen handed his bow to the nearest man. Ryen’s gaze returned to the woman, who still held a dagger in one hand, and had the other tucked in close to her side. She glared at them as Ryen crouched down and smiled at her. The woman stared at him, confused.

“Well, well, Basir,” he commented. “You’ve caught a little sparrow.” The woman spat at him and he laughed, shaking his head. Ryen looked up at Basir, smiling. “Time to take the mask off, don’t you think?”

Basir nodded and they moved in union; Ryen snatching the dagger out of her hand while Basir ripped the dark cloth away from her face. Ryen shot to his feet and both stepped back as she drew the sword.

“You don’t want to do that,” Basir warned, but the woman wasn’t listening.

Eyes narrowed at the pair, she swung the sword at Ryen’s legs, missing them completely and driving the sword into the gap between two paving stones. Basir glanced at Ryen, who was watching the woman.

“Take me in,” she said and let go of her sword, reaching down to remove the orb from the pouch at her waist. “Take me in.”

Ryen glanced at Basir, who nodded. He turned back to the woman and took the orb from her hand, passing it to Basir. Basir examined the orb while Ryen and another man stood her up and walked her towards the far wall.

* * *
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Rachelle41
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PostSubject: Re: Out Of The Mists - Chapter 1   Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:16 pm

I liked it. There is a small cloud of mystery, as to who the woman is and what she is doing with the orb, and also how she got it. The lady is an exciting character, one that probably doesn't fit in with her time period very well. She is graceful, but not good-girl graceful, deadly snake graceful. She is not easily scared, and is determined to get what she wants. I like that it's in a chapter format, because it will keep people coming back to check if the next chapter is in yet. The fact that we don't know hardly anthing about her or this mysterious orb also plays a role in how good it is. Her past will most likely be unlocked at some point in time, but we do not know when that will be, or how, which leaves something up to the readers imagination. I suggest you give her short flahbacks that hint at something, but not an exact thing, which will keep the reader innvolved. I don't like to read a story and not be able to think about this person and what I don't know about them; that's boring. You have to leave a little sliver unknown, which is always on the readers mind. I hope this helps!
-Rachelle41 I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Out Of The Mists - Chapter 1   Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:21 pm

Wow. Thanks. Awesome advice...and you just gave me an awesome idea on how to start the next chapter. And I'm definitely not giving everything about her away just yet. I like mystery. It's fun. XD Now it's just a matter of me remembering the idea...later...

~Scar.
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