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 Love Will Find You

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TheNewHero
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PostSubject: Love Will Find You   Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:02 am

Spoiler:
 

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Love Will Find You

Where the desert rolls into the ocean,
And the midnight sun burns the back,
When the bombs shriek by,
their exhaust burning the air in hot song
Love will find you.

In the shadows of Hell,
Where the screams subside to Satan's breathing,
Silence fills the air as he stares at you and taunts,
You break down, tears and sweat, and the gnashing of teeth,
Love will find you.

As the blade sears through your heart and soul,
And you're caught in the wildest storm,
There comes the lifeline, there is the beacon...
In the highest sky, as you fall,
Love will catch you, Love will find you

And in the dark whirlpool where the world meets its Prince,
As you drown, keep breathing,
As you choke, keep singing,
As you fade, keep watching,
I promise friend...

--------

*Do you think the last bit was too hangy? I was actually trying to get the reader to finish the line themselves, but I'm worried there wasn't enough repetition for that to be clear
*How was the rhythm?
*How was the imagery?
*My favourite stanzas are the last two because they have the most action and you can see things happening. Am I wrong, was there plenty of action throughout the whole poem or is that unecessary?
*How did this make you feel?
*Was there anything you found metaphoric? Any metaphors you found?
*Christian or not, is that kind of promise beautiful (whether naive or over-optimistic)

*Thanks for reading*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you ever need a review, feel free to message me.
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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Re: Love Will Find You   Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:15 pm

Wow. It's deep. It talks of love, finding love, in some of the worst places imaginable. 'In the shadows of Hell'. I like that line. The last word in that quote helps you to envision the worst thing a human could indure of earth. I can see what you're talking about and it almost scares me. I can almost feel pain-or something like that. It's amzing. You rock Hero!
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cheez_burger
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PostSubject: Re: Love Will Find You   Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:28 pm

Hey Hero! I'm cheez, and I'll be your reveiwer today!

I noticed quite a few things about this poem. Some are nitpicks, some are just general things, but here's what i noticed. Red is the critique Bold is what I love Smile

Quote :
Where the desert rolls into the ocean, Doesn't this only happen in Africa? I do get what you're portraying here, though!
And the midnight sun burns the back, Oxymorons... I love them :3
When the bombs shriek by,
their exhaust burning the air in hot song
Love will find you. Deep! I love how this line repeats itself, over and over.

In the shadows of Hell, Doesn't sound like a fun place to be...
Where the screams subside to Satan's breathing, Ewww Dx
Silence fills the air as he stares at you and taunts,
You break down, tears and sweat, and the gnashing of teeth,
Love will find you.

As the blade sears through your heart and soul,
And you're caught in the wildest storm,
Very poetic... I can relate...
There comes the lifeline, there is the beacon...
In the highest sky, as you fall,
Love will catch you, Love will find you Amen Smile

And in the dark whirlpool where the world meets its Prince,
As you drown, keep breathing,
As you choke, keep singing,
As you fade, keep watching,
I promise friend...
I like this end, because it's like you knew that we knew what was coming, so you didn't bother putting it there

Overall, it's a very deep and moving poem. I'm glad you posted it!

Happy Writing!
Cheez elephant elephant elephant

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; It's about learning to dance in the rain.
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