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 Forget Me if You Can

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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: Forget Me if You Can   Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:49 pm

When the trees sway
and the flowers bend,
I think of you,
my dearest friend.
Forget me if you can, I say,
for I'll be going far away.
You say you can't.
You say you can.
Decide quickly, dearest friend.
When the river flows and meets your knees,
jump in and go, don't wait for me.
Heaven just might wait for you,
but I will not, so quickly choose.
Forget me quickly and I will go.
Forget me never and you'll still be alone.
Yet when I leave or if I don't, my dearest friend,
forget me-if you can.
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PostSubject: RE: Forget Me if You Can   Tue Dec 21, 2010 6:02 am

I usually hate doing this, but I want to just tell you this is an amazing poem written perfectly. There were a few hiccups and I'd think it's easier to just skip a line at the end, rather than the awkward dash. Be careful with your rhyme scheme. Your poem had great rhythm, which made it a breeze to read and I wish this site had a featured works, I'd put yours at the top.

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If you ever need a review, feel free to message me.
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PostSubject: Re: Forget Me if You Can   Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:25 pm

Thanks Hero! But, without a dash or comma, you'd read it like a sentence. So many people do pause at the end of lines (I do it too, though I am trying to stop) yet that's really not how they're meant to be read. 'Street Music' by someone I forget can really teach you to read it like sentences unless if has punctation. But thanks! You're so nice.
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PostSubject: Re: Forget Me if You Can   Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:35 pm

I posted this December of 2010-it is now June of 2011 and I just couldn't forget this poem. Maybe I should turn it into a song or publish it somehow cause its one of my best works (I think).
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