Wonderland
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.


Where you wander around, review, and post your literary works!
 
HomeLatest imagesRegisterLog in

 

 Forget Me if You Can

Go down 
2 posters
AuthorMessage
Luv2Type
Instructor
Instructor
Luv2Type


Posts : 402
WL Points : 31469
Join date : 2010-02-22
Age : 26
Location : Atlanta, Geogria

Forget Me if You Can Empty
PostSubject: Forget Me if You Can   Forget Me if You Can EmptyMon Dec 20, 2010 4:49 pm

When the trees sway
and the flowers bend,
I think of you,
my dearest friend.
Forget me if you can, I say,
for I'll be going far away.
You say you can't.
You say you can.
Decide quickly, dearest friend.
When the river flows and meets your knees,
jump in and go, don't wait for me.
Heaven just might wait for you,
but I will not, so quickly choose.
Forget me quickly and I will go.
Forget me never and you'll still be alone.
Yet when I leave or if I don't, my dearest friend,
forget me-if you can.
Back to top Go down
TheNewHero
Instructor
Instructor
TheNewHero


Posts : 54
WL Points : 26922
Join date : 2010-02-21
Location : South Africa

Forget Me if You Can Empty
PostSubject: RE: Forget Me if You Can   Forget Me if You Can EmptyTue Dec 21, 2010 6:02 am

I usually hate doing this, but I want to just tell you this is an amazing poem written perfectly. There were a few hiccups and I'd think it's easier to just skip a line at the end, rather than the awkward dash. Be careful with your rhyme scheme. Your poem had great rhythm, which made it a breeze to read and I wish this site had a featured works, I'd put yours at the top.
Back to top Go down
Luv2Type
Instructor
Instructor
Luv2Type


Posts : 402
WL Points : 31469
Join date : 2010-02-22
Age : 26
Location : Atlanta, Geogria

Forget Me if You Can Empty
PostSubject: Re: Forget Me if You Can   Forget Me if You Can EmptyTue Dec 21, 2010 5:25 pm

Thanks Hero! But, without a dash or comma, you'd read it like a sentence. So many people do pause at the end of lines (I do it too, though I am trying to stop) yet that's really not how they're meant to be read. 'Street Music' by someone I forget can really teach you to read it like sentences unless if has punctation. But thanks! You're so nice.
Back to top Go down
Luv2Type
Instructor
Instructor
Luv2Type


Posts : 402
WL Points : 31469
Join date : 2010-02-22
Age : 26
Location : Atlanta, Geogria

Forget Me if You Can Empty
PostSubject: Re: Forget Me if You Can   Forget Me if You Can EmptyThu Jun 16, 2011 4:35 pm

I posted this December of 2010-it is now June of 2011 and I just couldn't forget this poem. Maybe I should turn it into a song or publish it somehow cause its one of my best works (I think).
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content





Forget Me if You Can Empty
PostSubject: Re: Forget Me if You Can   Forget Me if You Can Empty

Back to top Go down
 
Forget Me if You Can
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Wonderland :: Literary :: Poetry-
Jump to: