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 The Lonely Cowboy of the Planes

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Luv2Type
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PostSubject: The Lonely Cowboy of the Planes   Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:21 pm

The horses beat-beat-beat,
Faster than my feet,
Could ever carry me.
They're my only comapny,
Through the open plane
Before me.
In the summer they are thirsty.
In the winter they are hungrey.
They're the only other living thing.
They have no medicine,
For the lonelynessI carry.
The other things care only,
Grass and saddles spread before me,
Making my camp,
Feel so empty.
The frying pan cooks for one.
That one might be me.
Lonely.
As lonelyness could ever be.
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PostSubject: Sorry!   Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:24 pm

It says 'The other things care only'. It SHOULD say 'The other things ARE only' (the are is no really all in caps.
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cheez_burger
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PostSubject: Re: The Lonely Cowboy of the Planes   Mon Feb 22, 2010 7:52 pm

Wow! It's like a merge between two types of poetry! Not quite freeverse, and not quite rhyming. I like it! Again, again! Also, I would advise you to put "I"'s where they need to go, but other than that, great job!













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PostSubject: Re: The Lonely Cowboy of the Planes   Tue Feb 23, 2010 5:47 am

Hey, I'm Grin and I shall be reviewing.

You have a few spelling mistakes in here, I won't run through them now but if you run them through a spellchecker you should pick them up.

Also! The punctuation seems to really break this up, which makes it more difficult to read. This poem's about horses, right, so it might give a stronger feel of the physical shape, the movement, etc., if you cut down on that - this is what we call enjambment.

Your rhyming's a little forced, so remember that great poetry doesn't have to rhyme. In this case, it's limiting what you can do.

However, you have a great rhythm here and I really enjoyed the poem. With a little work, this will be great. Well done.

~Grin

EDIT: if there's something you missed in your original post, rather than adding a second you can hit "Edit" at the top of your post. That will be useful if you want to change spellings, content etc.
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PostSubject: Re: The Lonely Cowboy of the Planes   Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:45 pm

Thank you Grin. However, I sorta like you to pause between every line. Thats just how I am. But they are brief stops, at least I wanted them to be. If you heard me read it you might be able to understand a little better. But thank you for the advice.
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PostSubject: Re: The Lonely Cowboy of the Planes   Sun May 16, 2010 9:03 pm

* Claps as if in concert * Bravo! Bravo! Wonderful! That was one of the best poems I have read off the top of my head. Ha ha. I'm rhyming now.
Warning: Spelling Error
Okay, I think 'planes' is spelled plains (I thinking off the top of my head)
But still! Girl, you rock at this! Keep it up!
~Nikki
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